


Service Not Included

by Ketita



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Explosions, Humor, Levi joins the Survey Corps, Light BDSM, M/M, Ridiculous Everything, Shenanigans, Top Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 20:08:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28836822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ketita/pseuds/Ketita
Summary: Levi is living his best life, assassinating people in Sina's underground and getting paid for it.Unfortunately, some big Survey Corps asshole calling himself Erwin Smith keeps rudely interrupting him with numerous misconceptions: that Levi cares about what he has to say, that Levi will hang around to let him say it, that Levi is actually a prostitute, and that Levi will notmurder the shit out of himfor constantly getting in his face.
Relationships: Levi/Erwin Smith
Comments: 9
Kudos: 166





	Service Not Included

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so I have a bunch of things to say about this fic.  
> The first is that--- well, idk if "Levi joins the Corps" AUs are still a popular thing. It feels weird to me almost to post this, given where the series is. But I wrote the bulk of it a few years ago, and decided it was entertaining enough to finish up and post, just in case some of you get joy out of it.
> 
> The second thing is that there is smut in this fic. This is a _very_ exceptional thing for my fics, and disclaimer - I didn't actually write the smut scene. It was volunteered by my beta at the time who saw my fade-to-black and went "how dare you", and wrote it. She did a positively stunning job on it, and blending it with the rest of the fic.
> 
> It's also odd because since I wrote most of the fic a few years ago, the style is not _quite_ how I write nowadays. But that's okay. This fic is actually incredibly important in my development as a humor writer. There are a lot of things that I "learned" from writing this, so to speak, and I'm still quite proud of it.  
> I hope you enjoy!

The shit he put up with, Levi thought. He ran fingers through his long hair, now loose and perfumed, and had to resist the urge to take a shower. Or five. Perfume was disgusting, just a way to cover the stink of unwashed bodies, and it sickened him that he had to use it. Anybody encountering him might assume that he had poor hygiene. Gross.

The clothes were uncomfortable, too, dolled up and frilly with too many buttons. The high collar chafed his neck, the pants were too tight, and the sooner this whole business was over with the better. If not for the pay, he wouldn't be here.

Here in this stinking brothel, in a room that too many people had used before him and probably hadn't been cleaned of their disgusting bodily fluids. Here among cheap drapery, resisting the urge to cough at the stench of scented candles, sitting on a bed he really didn’t want to touch at all and waiting _for it to be goddamn over_. Hell, how long did it take a guy to show up for a fuck?

Voices trickled in from the hallway, Ross' simper and a deeper one, as heavy footsteps advanced. _Finally_. Levi schooled his expression and sat up, folding his legs to the side in a practiced languid posture, leaning on one palm, the other casually behind his back, ready for action.

"I'm terribly sorry, sir, but won't you please reconsider? I'm sure I can find you someone else-"

"Nonsense, he sounds perfect."

Levi was already getting a sinking feeling, exacerbated when Ross opened the door with an absolutely panicked look on his face, and was followed by some huge blonde guy in uniform, who was _not Levi's mark oh shit_.

He was going to _kill_ Ross. Right after he got rid of the guy.

Levi dropped the welcoming expression for a frown. Damn soldiers marching in whenever they wanted, and of _course_ Ross would give in, the man had no backbone, and nobody wanted to fuck with soldiers because they always came back with friends.

The guy pushed Ross out of the room and kicked the door shut behind him, then turned to appraise Levi, who was furiously running scenarios through his head. Of course he could just ice the guy and be done, but that might bring trouble.

"You're prettier than I imagined," the guy said, running his eyes over Levi's body like he had a right, as he advanced towards him.

"I'm waiting for a client," Levi answered, watching him warily. No way he was actually fucking the guy. No way.

The guy stripped off his damn jacket nonchalantly and tossed it to the side, which made Levi twitch. Who the hell wanted to touch their clothes after they'd been on _this_ floor?

"I'm sure they'll understand," the guy said, and sat down on the bed. And then he reached for Levi's hair. "I've already paid. Of course, I don't mind sharing." The smile on his face hinted that he thought this was a _good_ solution.

Levi had to resist the urge to pull out his knife and chop off the offending hand and stab it into the offending face. Worst idea ever, this had been.

"I'm not that kind of guy," Levi said in a burst of inspiration, trying to keep his tone civil. "I'm the man you come to for being tied down and fucked. I'm sure you're looking for something-"

"Sounds interesting," the guy purred, still toying with Levi's hair. Fuck this, fuck it all, Levi had to lose him or he'd miss his chance at the mark. "Think you can take on the Survey Corps?"

Oh hell, he wasn't just military, he was _suicidal_ military. Still-

Movements fluid, Levi twisted away from the guy and grabbed his wrist, pushing him down to the bed and pinning down his arms. "I can take _anybody_ , big boy," he said and _look at your life, Levi, look at your choices, what mistakes have you made to be caught up in this bullshit?_ He was going to have to tear out his own tongue after tonight. How did one even talk sexy? He wracked his brains and came up blank.

This was supposed to have been straightforward, pretty up a bit, saunter up to the mark and plant a knife in him. Not pinning some huge soldier to the bed – a soldier who had just _rocked up against him_ and was looking far more interested than he should under the circumstances.

A soldier who, with the way he had pressed up against Levi, had probably noticed that he was quite a bit more muscled than a prostitute should be.

"But I'm not that easy. Show me you're serious, baby, and next time we'll play." He let go abruptly and rolled off to the side, leaving the guy to sit up on his own.

"How?"

"Start with your name." He tried to make it sound playful and not like he wanted to know for future reference, so he could a) tell Ross to keep the guy away, and b) sneak up on him later and cut his throat while he was sleeping.

"Erwin."

No last name, as if that would stop Levi. He'd probably find the guy by tomorrow, because huge, blonde, and Survey Corps was a good start already. It might be a pseudonym, but the guy was giving off idiot vibes all over the place, and guys using fake names usually dropped tells left and right. The fact that this guy was clean _could_ mean he was used to faking it – or he was just an idiot.

Erwin took Levi's hand, his palm warm and dry and about one and a half times the size of Levi's. Levi relaxed the automatic tension in his shoulders, tried to fight the feeling of being trapped.

"And yours?"

"Simon."

Erwin raised an eyebrow. Levi shrugged, not going to fall for it. No way he was getting caught in a lie. "You'd prefer my work name? It's Orchid."

Later tonight, when Levi was alone in his bed, he was going to review this whole evening and every stupid thing that had come out of his mouth and probably cry.

Erwin was still touching him, stroking his right hand, and using his left to run over Levi's jaw and back towards his hair. At least Levi was keeping his left hand away and able to access the knife, though between Erwin's size and the strategic placement of his hands, Levi could be in trouble. 

"Simon?" he murmured. "Is that the name you want to hear me moan?"

One thing was clear. Levi had met his match in terms of saying completely inappropriate idiotic things with a straight face. Though he wasn't going to rule out the possibility that the guy was just a complete moron who got off on submission _quite_ yet.

“So what next?” Erwin said. “Do we start?”

“No,” Levi forced himself not to snap. “I need to know you can take it. Wouldn’t want you to come back tomorrow complaining I bruised your pretty skin.”

“I’m a soldier,” Erwin said, his smile going a bit thin.

“So’re the Military Police, and they’re—” _the biggest bunch of wilting daisies I’ve ever seen_ –“I mean, I’m stronger than I look. Otherwise why would I be here?” Worst save in the universe.

“We are nothing like the Military Police,” Erwin said. At least he sounded vaguely amused by Levi’s dig at the Pig Brigade. “I doubt you can hurt me.”

The fucking fucker. Levi gritted his teeth against rising to the bait, entire body rigid with the effort of it. Then Erwin held out his hand, elbow bent and fingers curved in an obvious invitation and Levi just lost it.

“You’re on,” he growled, and stomped over to the disgusting table with its filthy chairs. At least the clothes touching everything weren’t his. Looking far too entertained by this turn of events, Erwin followed him and sat down on the other chair, then presented his arm once more. With only the slightest resistance Levi clasped his palm, reminding himself that at least this guy’s hands weren’t as awful as they could be.

“Ready, set, _go_ ,” Levi said, and _pushed_ , encountering immediate resistance. He’d arm wrestled lots of guys before, big guys, but this one was something else. Levi was going to actually have to _try._

After a few seconds of holding his arm steady (it was _not_ an effort, dammit, but at least he could tell by the tension that it wasn’t a cakewalk for his opponent either) he smirked over at Erwin, only to realize that the man had his jaw set and was looking at Levi with a much shrewder look than before.

Oh, right. Shittons stronger than a prostitute was supposed to be. He’d have to lose.

Goddammit.

He was just getting ready to go limp with as much drama as possible to make sure Erwin knew he had thrown the contest deliberately when a stroke of brilliance hit him.

“If you can’t even let me win this,” he gritted out, “how am I supposed to believe you want me to tie you down and fuck you? You’re wasting my time. I’m out of here.”

Ha, _that_ surprised Erwin. Before Levi could relax his hold Erwin folded, letting Levi slam the back of his hand into the table with a _thunk_. They both stared at their still-clasped hands for a minute, Erwin with a slightly nonplussed expression on his face as if he wasn’t quite sure why he had just done that.

Levi scowled at how stupidly small his hand looked on top of Erwin’s and snatched it back.

“I’m not wasting your time,” Erwin said, slower to retrieve his hand, eyes still burning into Levi’s.

“Really,” Levi said. “So you’re sure you want me to hold you down and—” and _what_? What the hell did you do after that? You fucked, right? Was there anything else? How did people spend hours on it? _Did_ people spend hours on it?

“And?”

He couldn’t even tell if Erwin was interested because he wanted Levi to fuck him or because he thought Levi was talking out of his ass. It had better be interest because if he discovered that Erwin was bothering him for shits and giggles there would be hell to pay.

“—and fuck you raw,” Levi finished.

Erwin blinked. “That’s it?”

Several eloquent replies stood at the tip of Levi’s tongue – or knife, mostly knife – but he reminded himself that despite how stupid this was getting (who was he kidding; it had _started_ stupid) he was actually trying to play a part here, and blowing his cover any worse would not help.

“That’s the short version,” he said.

“Why don’t you share the long one?”

“Ah ah,” he smiled and tried to make it seductive rather than angry. “Why don’t you tell me what you want me to do to you?” Listening to a list of this guy’s disgusting sexual fantasies was better than the alternative—not that Levi was quite sure what the alternative _was_ , in this case, because no way any sex at all was happening. But let _him_ say stupid shit for a change.

Erwin smiled that damn sleazy smile of his and touched Levi on the chin, his fingers curling far too close to his throat for comfort. “I’m here to get taken care of, Simon,” he crooned. “I think you’re the one who should do the work.”

“I _will_ be doing the work,” Levi said, and hoped Erwin would get bored of his chin soonish. “But I need to know what you want, so I don’t _disappoint you_.”

“I’m sure you won’t disappoint me, Simon,” Erwin said with great sincerity, his hand migrating from Levi’s chin to the back of his neck, fingers up in his hair. Ugh. Levi hoped that the shudder looked more like interest than the revulsion it actually was.

“Talk is cheap,” Levi said tightly and reached up to remove Erwin’s hand from his hair, tangling their fingers together. At least this way Levi had a grip on his hand that could be potential leverage, if he needed. Except Erwin took the handholding as an invitation and scooted closer.

“That’s right,” he said, his breath uncomfortably warm but at least not as fetid as most underground dwellers, the rich bastard. “So show me.”

Levi wanted to scream.

\----------

In the end he managed to make it through the hour or so without taking off his clothes, but it was a near thing. Hopefully the guy had been disappointed enough that Levi would never have to hear him and the obnoxious way he kept murmuring _Simon_ at him ever again.

Despite the horrifying experience, he decided to give the assassination another go. A veritable bath in alcohol helped the decision along. Erwin had headed off, hopefully to do more soldiering and die, and it was just too _easy_ to take advantage of Mr. Fat Piggy Businessman's proclivities. That, and it had taken him a month to set up the whole thing believably, and his mark spent far too much time behind walls and with bodyguards. It would be a crying shame to let all that go to waste because of some dumbass soldier.

Of course, now that the hit had gone wrong the first time, it would be difficult to get him back for a second try. But maybe, just maybe…

He spent the day pulling strings and trying to forget that smooth voice and blue eyes that twinkled with just a bit too much humor to be believable.

Come evening he was dolled up again (…fuck), sitting in another filthy, cluttered room, and waiting. Footsteps in the hallway brought about a feeling of déjà-vu, and Levi had to resist the urge to grab at his knife already.

Erwin had definitely rattled him, but he wasn't going to let that—

"I told you, sir, he's not here today!"

"I'm sure I saw him earlier, I simply must meet him again."

Fuck this shit. Fuck the bloody shitstain of a soldier. Why had he come back? Did Levi seriously look like he was that good of a fuck?

He barely had two seconds before Erwin strode in and lit up when his eyes fell on Levi.

"See?" Erwin said to Ross, who wrung his hands. Levi took a second to swipe his finger across his throat threateningly, making Ross blanch, before transforming the motion into a nonchalant hand running through the hair on his neck as Erwin looked back at him.

"You came back," he said, "…Handsome," trying not to sound disappointed. "You'll drive away all my other clients." Yeah, if people heard about Levi botching this job, nobody would want to hire him anymore.

"Why would I want you to have any other clients?" Erwin came close, taking Levi by the chin and tilting his head up. "A flower is more precious the rarer its beauty is."

Levi was going to spend the rest of his life trying to scrub that sentence from his brain.

"Because I need to eat and pay rent." He probably shouldn't have said that. Prostitutes weren't supposed to be _people_ , after all. Stupid persona. Erwin was frowning at his words, his thumb moving distractingly against Levi's jaw.

"I could take care of you… _Simon._ " Now Erwin's hands were at Levi's collar, working the buttons. Crap, maybe he really _was_ here for sex. Levi grabbed his wrists before he could see the dark, skintight suit he had on underneath the gaudy clothes.

"Ah ah," he said. "I told you how it works with me. Sit down." Wait, he was supposed to make it sound sexy. Levi pushed Erwin down with a finger to the middle of his chest, and made himself run his hand through Erwin's hair. "You're here for _me_ to take care of _you_." All he had to do was tie him up and – apparently there were _no ropes_ in this damn room. Unless he wanted to tear down the drapes and try using their tasseled cords. Shit. Why did he not have rope on him? "Hands on the bed," he said instead, trying to sound as if he had planned it this way from the start.

Erwin complied with his demands, looking curious.

Great. Now what? He needed to get the fuck out of here and ditch this loon. "Close your eyes," he said. "It'll be worth it." Of course, no way the man would actually – oh hey, he did it.

Fucking gullible. Levi'd ask for his wallet too, but the guy was already paying for this dubious honor. Levi had _some_ morals. 

Levi stepped backwards and started fumbling with his outer layers of clothing, making sure there was a lot of rustling as he dropped them to the floor. Slowly, silent as a cat, he moved towards the window while tossing his clothes back towards where he’d been standing.

Just a bit more… a bit more… yes. He kicked off his shoes, which fell to the floor with small thumps, then slid out the window and leapt, catching onto the eaves and flattening himself against the wall.

He dug fingers and toes into almost invisible crevices and inched his way up, almost at the roof when a loud " _HEY_!" reached his ears.

Heh. He permitted himself a tight smile. Suck on that, bastard.

Suspicious sounds behind him made him glance back, and his heart gave a sharp beat. Erwin was _climbing out the window after him_.

Time to leg it. Levi flipped onto the roof and started running, thankful the buildings were close enough together here to leap from rooftop to rooftop. At the sound of pursuing footsteps he knew better than to turn back for a tempting look. Instead he listened carefully, trying to pinpoint distance, while zigzagging and spending his energy on staying ahead.

"Wait!" Erwin shouted from somewhere behind him. "Simon, I'm not going to hurt you!"

Fucking joke is what it was.

Levi dived off a roof, swinging into somebody's house through an open window. He tore silently through and slipped out a window on the other side, then down to an alley. He landed solidly in something wet and sticky, and for the next few minutes a litany of _ew blech ew blech_ ran through his head in time with his pounding footsteps, as muck oozed up between his toes and coated his bare feet.

Behind him, Erwin had apparently followed him through the window but woken up the household. A girl raised a mighty racket, shrieking at the top of her lungs while he seemed to be shouting apologies. There was a loud clanging of pots and pans.

Levi grinned, ducked into a tavern and out the back, then shimmied up to Irina's window and slid under her bed in a quick movement.

"Again, Levi?" she mumbled sleepily.

"Sorry," Levi murmured, and grabbed at a ratty towel lying on the floor. He got up and quickly wiped the footprints off the windowsill and floorboards, then rolled back under the bed and stilled his breathing. "Business."

There was quiet for long enough that Levi was relaxing, thinking that maybe he had gotten clean away, when he heard the telltale sounds of somebody climbing up to the window. Hell, how good a tracker was this guy anyway?

Luckily, Irina had noticed it, too.

"Pervert!" she shrieked at the top of her voice.

"No, wait, I'm looking for somebody!"

"Climbing into innocent girls' windows in the middle of the night? Pervert! Hoodlum!"

"Wait put that down I don't mean any harm—"

There was a crash as what sounded like the chamberpot went flying, followed by a sharp yelp. Levi had to resist the urge to laugh, pressing a hand against his face. Outside the window the street was waking up.

The landlady came rushing in with a broom. "Visiting hours are over!" she screeched. "Irina, this is no time to be entertaining suitors!"

"I've never seen him before in my life!"

"I'll just be leaving now, I'm sorry to have bothered you ladies, I seem to have chosen the wrong –ow! window – ma'am, if you'll –ow – kindly stop attacking me with the broom—"

"Threatening my boarders' chastity in the middle of the night!" Old Lady Geller shouted. "You army men have no shame! Chasing someone into my home – a likely story!"

The rest of the street was waking up, calling out sleepily to see what was wrong. The timbre of Old Lady Geller's voice changed as she leaned out the window, presumably to shout after Erwin.

"—stinking rubbish! Bothering honest women's rest! You should be ashamed of yourself!"

The last of the words echoed down the street, and then all was quiet. Levi came out from under the bed once again, to meet the matron's gimlet stare.

"You," she said flatly. "What time is curfew, Levi?"

He sighed. The price he paid for waking her up. "Eleven, ma'am."

"Precisely. Eleven. _Well_ past the time young women should be in bed!"

"I'm—"

" _This is a boarding house for women!"_ she thundered, drawing her angular frame up to its full height. " _While you are under my roof, you will comport yourself like a proper lady!"_

Irina sniggered.

Levi had no idea why he even bothered. "Yes, ma'am," he said. "I'll be comporting myself to my room, then."

He inched his way towards the door trying to keep a pose of proper humility, which was really difficult because Irina was practically rolling on the floor with mirth, but if he so much as twitched Old Lady Geller would pounce all over him because she fucking loved getting all up in the face of big bad Levi of the Sina underground. She'd also force him to make his own porridge for breakfast. But hey, nobody had traced him here. Yet. Well, except possibly Erwin. Levi kept his breath slow and eyes on the old lady's as he made his retreat.

Another few steps… there. He turned and fled down the hall, which reminded him again of Erwin, and he couldn't help a smirk. At least he hadn't gotten a chamberpot to the head.

Next morning dawned bright and chilly. Levi stretched luxuriantly in bed and decided that overall, he could count yesterday as not-too-awful. Erwin was gone, and maybe he hadn't killed Mr. Pig yet, but today he'd be after him and no more of that prostitute bullshit. It had been a stupid idea in the first place.

There was a knock on the door.

"You might want to get rid of your boyfriend," Irina sing-songed at him. "Old Lady Geller is right pissed that he's sleeping on the front stairs."

Fuck it all. He rolled out of bed and flung open the door to reveal Irina’s smug face.

“You’re so much better at getting rid of our stalkers than your own,” she said, eyebrows raised. There was probably some kind of stupid innuendo there.

“I’ll be getting rid of him this time,” Levi growled.

“Just don’t screw him,” she admonished, at which Levi rolled his eyes. Give a stalker what he wanted and the asshole would _never_ leave. Everybody knew that.

“I’m definitely going to screw _with_ him,” Levi said. Irina groaned and marched off muttering theatrically about how hopeless Levi was.

This time, Levi was done with being nice. He geared up and sneaked out the back over the rooftops, dropped to street level and hid his maneuver gear under a cloak, then strolled back purposefully towards where Erwin was indeed sleeping on the front steps. Well, had been sleeping. He was awake now and stretching, looking far more chipper than a man who had just spent the night in the street ought to look.

"Yo, assface," Levi greeted him. Erwin's eyes followed Levi's supposed path from down the street, then flicked up to the façade of the building he was parked in front of, and he raised his eyebrows skeptically.

"Good morning," he replied, obviously collecting his thoughts. "If you're ready to – I'm _talking to you_ ," Erwin called after Levi, who was sauntering off, his back presented tauntingly to the soldier. Despite his outward nonchalance every fiber was ready to sprint, and his ears listened for footsteps behind him.

Footsteps that weren't coming. He paused and turned back, to see that Erwin had crossed his arms and settled more comfortably on the stoop.

"I'm not playing this game again," Erwin announced.

Well, that was an invitation if Levi had ever heard one. Eyes still on Erwin, he stepped over to one of the piles of trash and compost that could be found lying all over Lower Sina because it was mostly populated by swine and nobody bothered to clear away the garbage. With only the slightest grimace he picked out the best of the rotten fruit and started hurling them at Erwin.

Luckily, he was wearing gloves that he didn't mind burning later.

"Seriously?" Erwin shouted and gave chase. Levi tossed one last tomato for good measure and sprinted for the market. There he led him a merry chase, making sure to go through all the narrow passages that his body could slip through easily, but Erwin with his size would get stuck in. They left a trail of pissed-off people behind them cursing loudly, and Levi smirked to himself. None of them would remember the slight, dark-haired man slipping between the stalls, but everybody would remember the lumbering blonde soldier knocking things over.

Soldiers. Tch.

Even better, with the way Erwin kept shouting "Simon" at him nobody would connect the whole fiasco to Levi, anyway. Time to wrap up this party. Levi led him underground and towards one of the taverns, where he knew the mine workers would be just now waking up from their hangovers and heading for another day of work. Levi put on another burst of speed – he was starting to feel it, to be honest; he was in good shape, but usually didn't spend quite so long doing protracted running, and not with such persistence on his heels – and slid into the crowd of grumbling men and a few burly women milling their way out of a tavern. They paid him little mind, but when Erwin skidded to a stop near them…

"Hello," Erwin said. "I'm looking for someone. Dark haired man, about this tall, wearing a cloak…" he trailed off at their uncompromising faces.

"Military police," someone muttered.

"You gonna hound us on our downtime too, now?"

"I'm not Military Police," Erwin said politely. "I'm with the Survey Corps. Now-"

"What's the matter, ran out of punching bags in Upper Sina?"

"Came to take a shit because you don't want to dirty your gold-plated toilet?"

The rumble of the crowd was growing louder, but even so Erwin might have gotten out of it safely if a whole squadful of soldiers – also Suicide Corps, not that these guys cared – hadn't showed up looking for Erwin. The growl became a roar.

It was beautiful to see. Levi let the brawl flow around him for a few seconds before shooting two grapple-hooks and letting the gear lift him above the crowd, zipping away easily. He spared one glance back, and felt a chill. In the sea of roiling bodies Erwin had frozen, a momentary island of stillness, staring up at Levi. Their eyes met.

Levi growled low in his throat, executed a flip that had him suspended backwards and upside-down momentarily so he could flip Erwin two birds before turning his back and zooming off.

_This_ was how Levi liked doing hits. Dressed all in black, lying on his stomach on a dark rooftop, a crossbow easy between his hands and pointing at the lit street below. He'd loose his bolt and hare away over the rooftops, drop into Lower Sina at the nearest point, and lose himself in the alleys. The street would be madness and consternation, Mr. Pig would meet his ignominious end, Levi's reputation would be safe and he'd get a pile of money. He gave a happy sigh.

Best of all, ever since the riot this morning there had been no sign of Erwin, and scuttlebutt said he'd gotten in trouble. Better and better.

The chill air felt good teasing his hair, and he took another breath of its sweetness. Tinged with smoke and the stink of the city, sure, but better than the cesspit of the air underground. While he waited, he strained his ears for the sound of anything abnormal, but all he heard was the wind among the buildings and the normal sounds of people below, though the occasional creak from behind had him twitchy. Nobody was there. Stupid Erwin, getting him jumpy. 

Erwin… he had been outside the Walls, hadn’t he? Levi allowed his attention to wander to the sky again, briefly, and wondered how different things were out there. Shame he hadn’t thought to ask. This was the only sky he’d ever flown in, and even that wasn’t as often as he’d like. He’d have to arrange another jaunt soon.

Levi refocused his attention on the street below. Now wasn’t the time to be distracted, because there was Mr. Pig, surrounded by his bristling entourage that would be no help at all once he came into Levi's range. Come on, come on…

"Simon! Did you come up to look at the stars?"

Levi jumped and pulled the trigger. _Shit_. The bolt went wide _fucking hell_ but he wasn't even looking, he leapt to his feet _that fucking dirty piss-stain of a soldier_ and launched himself at Erwin with a roar. Erwin dodged but only just, and somehow had managed to keep that fake innocent look on his face.

" _I'll kill you_ ," Levi forced out between clenched teeth and swiped with his crossbow, forcing Erwin to duck or lose an eye. _"I'll fucking kill you I'm going to dismember you you fucking-_ "

They scuffled for a few short seconds, during which Erwin dodged infuriatingly easily and the sounds of consternation from the streets grew louder. Levi was going to have to finish up soon, they'd definitely have people on the roofs within a few minutes-

"What's a nice guy like you doing with a thing like that?" Erwin asked, backpedaling a few steps.

Nice guy _. Nice guy_. "You stupid excuse for sewer dregs," Levi snarled. He brandished the crossbow. "Looking at the stars? You gonna tell me this is a hair ribbon now? The hell are you playing dumb for when it's obvious I'm an ass-"

He wasn't expecting Erwin to move just then, which was the only reason the man managed to jerk forward and cut off the words with his hand. His filthy hand. Touched _Levi's mouth_.

"Ah," Erwin said. "Prostitution is quite legal, but assassination isn't particularly. Would be a shame if I found out."

 _He was faking it_ the fucking bastard was _faking it_. Because he— what? He got his kicks trying to get Levi to sleep with him? The fuck was his game?

"What do you want?" Levi jerked back a few steps, getting some distance, and surreptitiously started scouting out escape routes. He had to get out of here.

"A few hours of your time." Erwin smiled at him, like they weren't about to be overrun by the Military Police. Were they in on… whatever it was Erwin was trying? "I did pay for it, after all." Erwin delivered the line with a straight face, but Levi could just _see_ the laughter lurking.

"You paid a prostitute for sex," Levi snapped. "As far as I'm concerned, you decided to give me a present. I'm going to go and blow it on something stupid and useless right now, and you can stay here with your head up your ass. Which I'm pretty sure is a permanent state for you."

"I'd really prefer if you stayed to talk."

"And I'd prefer to be the king. Guess both of us will be disappointed." Levi sprinted to the edge of the roof, not surprised in the least when Erwin followed. Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later; he released his grapple-hooks and leapt into the sky.

He'd done maneuver gear chases before, but none nearly as intense as this. The Suicide Corps were definitely a cut above the rest, because Erwin’s speed in the air rivaled Levi’s. They traced a complicated route between buildings, sliding among laundry lines and narrow alleys. Erwin was good, yeah, but Levi already saw the disadvantages of his size. Levi could go longer on a gas tank, and knew a trick or two to minimize gas usage without sacrificing speed. Necessary, when you didn't know when the next gas tank you could steal would come your way.

Confidence was just beginning to build when Levi saw something out of the corner of his eye. A uniformed figure off to the right that was definitely not Erwin, because he'd been keeping track of Erwin's movements and Erwin remained quite solidly behind him.

Shit. If Erwin had backup, they'd corner him sooner or later. Probably sooner. He couldn't do this alone. Levi changed direction, narrowly avoiding Erwin, who only missed him because he wasn't expecting quite such a drastic vector change. A few more minutes and he'd be safe, if he managed to keep them from cutting him off. The stairway yawned up ahead—and two soldiers at his sides, besides Erwin. Shit.

Levi only just managed to slip down and did some creative skimming in the too-low corridor until it opened up into a wider passage. There, that slightly run-down building guarded by two thugs. Levi dodged in, barely leaving them time to recognize him, and stumbled into a room full of men.

"Levi?" Farlan asked, jumping to his feet along with at least half the other men.

"Decoy," Levi gasped out. "Soldiers on my tail." He barely paused before flinging himself headlong into the inner room. Better furnished than the makeshift tables and chairs outside, here was the destination of the good stuff: stolen objects from above, the best of the discards, and the rare item purchased original. Levi jumped behind the heavy wooden desk and felt around until he found the latch to the trapdoor.

The space beneath was pitch-black, and he felt his way by touch down the narrow corridor and into the larger room carved out of rock. Subtle shifts in the air and smells around him told him when the room widened. He fumbled through the dark until he found the niche in the wall that kept flint, steel, and the remains of a tiny candle. Not that the room was much to look at, even though a corner was furnished with blankets, but hey, anything beat sitting alone in the dark for a few hours.

Not that he thought he'd need a few hours. The exercise was a simple one; they'd done it a thousand times when the Military Police was too persistent about catching somebody specific. He knew what Erwin and his cohorts would see: Levi vanishing into a building, and then, moments later, a crowd of cloaked men emerging from it, scattering in all directions. Some would be using maneuver gear, some on the ground, and meanwhile Levi would sit tight until they were sufficiently distracted.

At least, that was the normal plan. But Levi was beginning to realize that Erwin was far from a normal man – well, actually, he'd known that before, but he thought it was in the way of stupidity and such. Trust Erwin to figure they were pulling a stunt like this and try to storm the building.

Well, for one, nobody'd found the trapdoor yet. And for the other, Erwin didn't know that there was another exit.

Farlan was right pissed off.

"Why'd you have to bring the Survey Corps down on us?" he complained. "You don't fuck with those guys. They found the passage. It's nice that you got well enough away, but what about the rest of us?"

"Sorry," Levi said offhandedly.

"We've been using that escape for years! Right under the noses of the Military Police! And nobody ever found it until you dragged your soldier friends here!"

"Sorry."

"Do you know how much Jorge was paying me for smuggling opportunities through the entrance in Upper Sina? Do you realize how much I'm going to lose now?"

_I've lost a shitton of money, and I'm about to lose my freedom, my mind, and my – well, my virginity, if I still had it._

"I'm in worse trouble than you," Levi sighed. "And you can have the contract on Mr. Pig, I won't be able to get it done."

Farlan hesitated. "Since you call all your marks some variation on 'pig', I don't actually know who you mean."

"It's an easy hit," Levi said mournfully. "He'd have been dead three times if fucking Erwin didn't have the worst hard-on in the world for me." What an unfortunate, yet accurate choice of words. "I'll give you the advance on it and all the info. Just get rid of him. I've got to get rid of somebody else." His mouth twisted. "And nobody's even paying me for it."

Well, Erwin _had_ actually paid him, though not nearly enough for a proper assassination. Still. The thought of Erwin paying for the hit on himself was immensely cheering.

"Creepy smile," Farlan remarked. "I'm not asking. So you're going to try and knock off the SIC of the Survey Corps? I thought our motto was not fucking with the military?"

"I don't have much choice," Levi said. "Besides, it's the Survey Corps. Nobody actually cares about the fucking Suicide Corps."

Levi was going to do this one _right_. It was going to be the most beautiful, most immaculately planned assassination ever. Also the most expensive. He didn't care. As long as at the end of the day Erwin was off the face of the planet, he would burn Sina to the ground if that's what it took.

The first part of the plan was old hat, even though he was going riskier than ever before. Usually they tried to stay away from the military, but hey, if this ended in career suicide he was going to go out in style. He commissioned the necessary papers and tried not to let himself get bilked too bad by the recurring bleating about the dangers of messing with the military. He spent a few hours with Farlan discussing strategy and where he might possibly acquire large amounts of phosphorus and sulfur. Use of these materials in the mines was heavily supervised, but most guys would be willing to go out on a limb if the price was right.

He set a date: a two weeks hence, when there was scheduled to be a gathering just of the sort that would provide him with a chance to get at Erwin and possibly get clean away, as well as enough time to get his hands on a uniform in his size. In that sense, the biggest obstacle _was_ his size: an ill-fitting uniform would stand out, so he'd have to get it tailored specially, and somebody of his stature would stand out in general. He briefly contemplated cross-dressing, but he hadn't had much luck with it in the past; being short wasn't actually enough to pass well. It was a shame he couldn't hire somebody less memorable to do the job. But most people wouldn't touch this hit for all the money he had, and while Levi did reasonably well for himself, he wasn't exactly rolling in the dough.

Besides, he wanted to do it himself. Wanted to see the look on Erwin's face when he _won_.

Which brought him to the last big issue. He briefly considered that Erwin was after something which was not sex – what, exactly, he wasn’t sure, and didn’t actually give a damn. Erwin’d be dead soon enough and it wouldn’t matter. But if the man didn’t want sex he should have fucking shut up about it instead of forcing Levi to make a fool of himself _twice_ while staring at him with that smug-ass face _,_ and Levi was done with that shit. With a whole week to go, he had no real hopes that he'd manage to avoid Erwin completely until the day of the event. Hell, it was a miracle he'd avoided Erwin for two days since his narrow escape. Which meant it was time to rally the troops.

He called a general meeting in Old Lady Geller's sitting room, inviting all the tenants of the house but the matron herself. The six women gathered around, perched on the arms of sofas and sitting on chairs the wrong way (Isabel) even though there was enough room for all of them to sit like human beings, like Levi, who had his butt firmly in the chair and legs crossed neatly.

To his right was Irina, a prostitute. Next was Daisy, her name a dramatic contrast with her porcelain complexion and pitch-black shimmering hair, who made socks and scarves and other knitted goods (and was a prostitute). Astride a chair sat Isabel, leaning forward excitedly on her arms, small time thief (and prostitute). One arm of the sofa was occupied by Dahlia, her skin the darkest Levi had ever seen and eyes liquid brown, an illegal book restorer (and prostitute). Annabeth sat on the other arm, her feet all over the cushions, her features severe now that her wavy hair was pulled back in a braid. She spent her days waiting tables at the Pig And Horn (and was a prostitute by night). Last was Sarah, who – well, actually, Levi had no idea what she did because she didn't talk much, but he figured she was a prostitute too (he would find out later she was actually a writer).

"I need your help with an upcoming hit," he said gravely. All eyes hung on him expectantly, and the air was purely professional and appropriate, until Irina got an _oh_ look on her face and clapped her hands.

"This is about your boyfriend, isn't it?"

—and everything went to hell. Instead of serious questions like "how can we help" or "what do you need" or "where" or even "who", they were talking about Levi's "hot hunk of Survey Corps manmeat" (where the hell did they get these expressions, anyway?) and Irina was delivering a highly inaccurate version of recent events to the assembly.

"That's not the point!" Levi shouted desperately over the din. "He's not my boyfriend! We're not in love—shut up Isabel we’re _not_ — _there is no fucking 'we'_! Can we have a conversation about how I slowly dismember him with a blunt knife instead?"

"If we _must_ ," said Irina, will ill grace.

"But what do you need us for, then?" Isabel asked. "You've got the knife thing mostly figured out on your own. Or do you want us to seduce him?"

"Ah, well." Levi coughed. "That's the problem. He seems to think that I am a prostitute and expects me to er… tie him down and do stuff to him."

The girls waited for several minutes with an expectant air, and when Levi didn't respond, Isabel prompted him with a "What sort of stuff?"

Levi decided that showing embarrassment would just make it worse. Besides, he refused to be embarrassed over not being a pervert. He could nail a man in the eye with a knife at twenty paces. Far more useful, if you asked him.

So he said evenly, "I have no idea what sort of stuff. I think it involves ropes. That's why I came to you."

"You can do a lot with ropes," Sarah piped up from her corner, unexpectedly animated, and launched into descriptions of various strange positions you could force someone into. Why you would want to, Levi had no clear idea, though he did decide that Erwin on his knees with his hands tied behind his back had _some_ appeal. Not necessarily sexy appeal. The kind of appeal dead enemies usually had, which he gathered was not exactly what was supposed to be going on in these sorts of scenarios.

Isabel brought up the issue of plugs, and the girls had quite an animated little discussion going on until Levi said, "So let me get this straight, it's this thing I can stick in his ass and then what, sit and look at him? What's the point?"

Isabel gave him a pitying look. "And here I'd managed to forget for three seconds that the Scourge of Sina is the most boring person in existence."

"I am _not_."

"Remind us what you do in your free time, again?"

"Cleaning is important!"

"I rest my case."

"If not for me you would have died of the pox long ago!"

"Somebody take him off my hands." Isabel rocked backwards on the chair with an air of theatricality, throwing up her arms. If she had been within kicking distance, Levi would have knocked her over.

Dildos met with little more enthusiasm than the previous suggestions ("But I _have_ a dick," Levi said, baffled.). It was when Dahlia brought up the idea of gags that Levi felt the first real stirrings of interest.

"A gag," he repeated thoughtfully. Making Erwin _shut the fuck up_ —now that held appeal. Fucking Erwin with his jaw stretched open by metal and leather… he could get behind that, he thought.

"Ha, lookit his face," Irina crowed. "We should have brought up the gags first. Hey Levi, _now_ think of him gagged and tied up at your feet, begging for your cock."

Levi did. He thought about it very carefully, about how Erwin would probably drool and make a mess of himself, of his huge-ass frame restrained by heavy rope cutting into muscles honed by use of maneuver gear, of his perfect hair falling in wide, desperate blue eyes—

"How's he supposed to beg if he's gagged, though?" he asked skeptically.

As it turned out, Levi managed to avoid Erwin for five more days – long enough that he was developing hopes that he would manage to pull off the hit without an awkward distraction in the middle, and that the gag and coil of rope he'd taken to carrying around along with the rest of his personal arsenal would go unused. Though, if push did come to shove and they saw some action, hopefully when he got Erwin to cry uncle (as he undoubtedly would) he could leave him trussed up and go on his merry way.

Still, better stay away from the soldier. He had bigger fish to fry. Actually, Erwin was a pretty big fish, and speaking of fish Levi was getting quite sick of them for now because Old Lady Geller had apparently come by trout for cheap and they had spent the last three days having trout for lunch and dinner. Which was what made him, in desperation, leave the house today in search of something else to eat, as far from fish as he could possibly manage.

He settled on some lovely buttered croissants (the last he'd be having for a while, probably, with the simultaneous hit on Erwin and his savings), and was thoroughly enjoying them until Big, Blond and Dumb slid into the seat across from him and Levi's stomach felt like it was full of lead.

"Nice to see you again," Erwin said.

Levi stood up and managed to stare past him, and shoved the last bite of croissant in his mouth. "I just remembered something urgent I have to do right now far away from here, goodbye."

Erwin stood up along with him, as well as several people dressed like civilians at other tables, and Levi realized that he was surrounded. Figuring out escape routes was second nature, so he hardly had to think very hard before concluding that all exits were basically covered. Even the kitchen, since the girl loitering suspiciously near that exit was probably one of Erwin's. If he had his maneuver gear on he could have tried to run for it, but against this many people, some of whom were definitely geared under cloaks, he probably wouldn't have made it far anyway.

He returned his attention to Erwin, who had watched his rapid calculations carefully and now smiled, knowing that Levi knew his options were limited.

"Shall we go?"

"You're just going to arrest me," Levi grumbled.

"As I've tried telling you several times, I only want to talk. By all means, lead the way."

Levi frowned up at the disingenuous look on Erwin's face. "Lead the way where?"

"Wherever you usually take clients for business deals. Or some other quiet place."

They filed out of the café, Erwin and five other soldiers who kept a careful perimeter around Levi. No chances this time, huh. "I assume your goons are going to follow."

"My… goons." Erwin looked momentarily surprised and glanced about at his soldiers, who were mostly young and had probably never seen the ugly side of a street fight in their life.

"That one looks like a goon," Levi added helpfully, nodding towards another huge blond guy, though this one had a mustache. What was it with the Survey Corps and big blonds? At least Erwin wasn't so shaggy.

"Lead the way," Erwin said again, firmly, having apparently gotten his train of thought back on track. Levi was going to have to work harder at learning how to distract him.

"Fine." He'd start walking, find some narrow alley with doorways or windows to escape through, knife someone and try for an escape. He knew just the place, down under the— "What are you _doing_?" he yelped, trying to wrench his hand out of the huge paw that had closed around it, thumb and fingers locked tight around his wrist.

Erwin smiled at him cheerily. "Just being friendly, _Simon_." A note of steel underlay the name, and the hand tightened on his wrist in warning. Shit. That meant he'd have to knife Erwin to let him go and that would definitely put everybody else on guard… escaping was going to be tough.

"I can't be seen walking _hand in hand_ with a fucking _soldier_ ," he gritted out, shaking his wrist and prying at Erwin's fingers with his other hand. "Do you realize what it's going to do to my _reputation_?"

"I don't think you'll be needing your reputation much longer." Erwin delivered this line with perfect seriousness, and seemed completely unbothered by Levi's attempts to remove his fingers. It was kind of embarrassing, especially with the way the other soldiers were pretending they weren't amused. Levi considered biting, but he didn't know where Erwin's hands had been.

Well, best get this over with. He started walking, trailed by Erwin and his entourage, and tried very hard not to think about how terrible it all looked. Normally he'd go to one of the quieter dives in Lower Sina, but he wanted to get this over with. Birman's place was expensive, but since Erwin would be paying, they might as well.

He towed Erwin into the bar and firmly ignored the stares they were collecting.

"Give us a room, Birman, your best wine, and no interruptions. On his tab," he jerked his head at Erwin, who looked momentarily annoyed but smoothed the expression away quickly. He didn't complain, either, when Birman led them upstairs to one of the rooms, just gave his soldiers some complicated hand signal that probably meant "lurk outside with a crossbow and cover the exits" or something. All Levi could think of was the gag in his back pocket that was probably going to be seeing some action. He could use that drink, right about now, and when the bottle came he snatched it and took a nice long swig before sitting down at the table. It had a little jug of water on a doily, and was way too cute for this meeting.

At least the rest of the room was spare, almost harsh, dark wood furniture against a dark wood floor. The limp sunlight from the window did absolutely nothing to make it cheerier.

"Are you going to share?" Erwin asked from his seat on the only other chair in the room, elbow on the table and looking supremely at home.

"I didn't think you'd want to try Lower Sina swill. Isn't your palate too refined for this crap?" Levi sneered, but tossed him the bottle anyway. Erwin, the animal, drank from the bottle as well, which meant that Levi couldn't drink anymore. Fuck.

This was the moment when Erwin should start making inappropriate comments, possibly accompanied by leers, and Levi was already steeling himself for the assault when Erwin stood up, started pacing, and in an extremely serious tone began talking about something completely different.

"Several weeks ago, after our latest request for funding for an expedition, the council of nobles got together and decided for the hundredth time that the Survey Corps are nothing more than a drain on resources, but for a change, came up with an ultimatum for us. If we wanted new recruits and funding, we could have them from the slums of Sina." His mouth tightened. "It probably seemed quite funny to them, saddling the Corps with a bunch of petty thieves and murderers. Given the high death rate of our missions, clearly this was meant as a way to clean up Lower Sina at no cost or effort to the Military Police."

Levi gaped. What the fuck was he on about? Why did he think Levi cared? "Look at all these problems that aren't mine," he said.

Erwin shot him a glare, then continued. He was pacing now, moving back and forth across the small room in agitation. "Of course, we've been authorized to give full pardons to anybody who joins, to sweeten the deal, and undoubtedly draw crowds of troublemakers to our barracks. Since this didn't seem like it would bring any great benefit to us, my original goal was to simply spend a lot of effort and report failure, because not even the nobles would make us round up people and try to force them into maneuver gear."

He came to a stop and turned to Levi dramatically, eyes alight, and a fierce grin splitting his lips. "And then I met _you_."

"And realized that what you needed in life was to get fucked up the ass by a Sina thug?"

"What?" Erwin blinked, his dramatic speech interrupted.

"Seriously, I'm waiting for that part. It was the best part. Tell me how soliciting whores in Lower Sina was supposed to be a recruitment tactic."

"Ah-" Now Erwin looked mildly embarrassed, but quickly chased the expression. "I was trying to get close to you."

"Like hell you were. You were going to waste the king's money dicking around and then say nobody would listen, weren't you. You didn't even know who I am when you decided I was going to be your whore for the night."

"That isn't important now," Erwin said impatiently. "The moment I saw you with the gear I knew—"

"Isn't important my _ass_! You've been hounding my tail for two weeks."

"I've been ‘hounding you’ for the Survey Corps."

"But you paid for a whore. On your knees."

"What?"

"You heard me, get on your knees."

Erwin rolled his eyes. "Oh please, you don't expect me to believe that suddenly you're willing to put out."

"I think you’re just scared." Levi crossed his legs and bounced his foot in the air, managing to look down his nose at Erwin even though he was sitting and Erwin was standing and Erwin was a head taller than—well, maybe he didn't manage to quite look down his nose at him. But it was a very arch look.

The fact that Levi just might be serious must have penetrated, because the big lunk was now staring at Levi incredulously. " _Scared_?" he repeated. "Can we discuss this like adults?"

"You were the one who said you could take anything I dish out. I must say, didn't expect the Survey Corps to be full of cowards." Watching Erwin practically froth at the mouth in annoyance was simply beautiful. Levi could hardly keep the grin off his face. "Come on, just admit you were bluffing, have no intention of putting your ass on the line, and we can go from there."

Erwin got a steely look in his eye and Levi knew immediately that he had miscalculated. The point was getting Erwin to _back off_ , not meet the challenge. Dammit.

"Cute, _Simon,_ " he said, and then he crouched on his knees at Levi's feet, sat back on his ankles and rested his hands loosely on his spread knees. He was so tall that even sitting down his head reached Levi's stomach, but at least now he had to look up at him.

Why the hell was he doing this? Levi had assumed that Erwin actually wanted to fuck him just about as much as he wanted to fuck Erwin, that is, _not at all_ , but now he had to play along because fuck him if he was going to let the soldier win this one.

Besides, oddly enough, he kind of liked the view, now that Erwin wasn't towering over him. Erwin was pretty handsome, in that incredibly annoying wholesome way that people who hadn't starved half their lives could be. Big, broad-shouldered, skin a warm peach, vivid blue eyes. His teeth were very straight, strong jaw, and hair that Levi was going to have to mess up. It was the kind of face that people would normally use all sorts of fancy adjectives to describe.

Levi definitely had the better nose, though.

"Hands behind your back," he said, and pulled out a rope. Predictably, Erwin balked.

"I'm not falling for that again, and I don't trust you not to knife me if you get the chance."

Amazing, he had marginal intelligence. "I'm not going to knot it," Levi said. "I didn't think you'd let me anyway. I'm going to wrap it around your wrists and you're going to keep it there."

Erwin considered Levi's face carefully before crossing his wrists behind his back. "Very well," he said and Levi wanted to scream. The hell was wrong with this guy? But now he had to follow through. So he very reluctantly circled him, then wrapped the rope twice around his wrists and pushed both tail ends into his palm. As long as Erwin didn't let go, his wrists would stay there.

Why Erwin would play along with this, Levi had absolutely no clue. The whole thing had been Sarah's idea, and he hoped she wasn't pulling his leg because otherwise she was definitely next on his hit list. But so far Erwin actually was cooperating, and Levi would say that it was nothing more than a stupid, misguided attempt to get Levi to admit defeat first, if Erwin wasn't leaning into the ropes just a little, looking a bit more intrigued and a bit less annoyed than he had before.

And all the damn time he was so _focused_ on Levi, following him with his eyes in a way Levi hadn't experienced before. He tried not to let it unnerve him as he sat back down and looked at Erwin again.

"Good job," Erwin said. "Now-"

"Shh." Levi grabbed his jaw and stilled it, the skin warm under his fingers. Then, because Levi liked kissing his partners and he might as well enjoy himself a _little_ , he pressed his lips to Erwin's and found himself a lot more enthusiastic about it than he'd expected. (For the record, Levi also liked the missionary position but he probably wasn't going to get any of that today). They broke briefly, and Levi was pleased to see Erwin's breath was coming just a bit heavier, and his focus had, if possible, intensified, while Levi undid the buttons of his shirt.

Because he wasn't depraved enough to ruin white pants, Levi toed off his shoe before he pressed his foot between Erwin's legs and was gleeful for a moment to find him hard before he remembered that the point was _not_ fucking Erwin Smith. Erwin, who was currently rutting against Levi's foot with enthusiasm, seemed to have not gotten that memo.

"I guess you're not a _complete_ novice," Erwin said, his voice steadier than Levi thought it should be. "Are you going anywhere with this?"

Levi refused to be intimidated by his size, by his supposed enthusiasm, by the way Erwin's eyes were glinting at him, or the cock pressing insistently against his foot. Holding Erwin's gaze, he reached into his pocket and slipped out the gag, letting it dangle from his finger. "I'm just getting you warmed up," he said, and _yes_ , there it was. For an instant Erwin's confidence flickered, his attention arrested by the gag in Levi's hand. Just a flash of uncertainty, tension in his shoulders and through his torso, and Levi wanted to howl triumph. Erwin hadn't seen it coming.

He didn't push, this time, just waited, let Erwin watch the gag – until he realized with a chill that Erwin wasn't looking at the gag at all. He was looking at Levi again, calculating.

This wasn't going to work, Levi understood with a sinking heart, even as Erwin lowered his lashes and opened his mouth, docile. So what the hell other choice did he have but to wedge the leather-wrapped ring between his teeth, strapping it tight behind his head, because at this point he was probably going to have to see this whole stupid production through to the end.

And yet, when he fisted a hand in Erwin's hair and tugged, forcing his head back and his throat taut so he could see him struggling to swallow, when he considered the way the leather and metal forced Erwin's mouth open obscenely, tugging at the corners and making saliva gather, when he heard the small sound Erwin couldn't quite contain – Levi felt a kind of warm victory. The same sort of feeling he got when he pulled off a hit and watched a fat Sina pig bleed to death from a wound he'd caused. Somehow, the fact that Erwin could free his hands easily but _didn't_ made it even better.

Leaning forward, close enough that his lips were brushing Erwin's ear, Levi whispered, "And for the record, the name I want to hear from you is Levi." He waited until Erwin nodded acknowledgement before sitting back up in his chair. He realized then that he was hard, and wondered how long he'd been. With the way his eyes flicked down then up and crinkled in amusement, Erwin had noticed, too. He raised his eyebrows and made a bored sound, managing to be annoying even now. Levi was going to have to do something about that.

Oddly enough, the thought was no longer quite as unappealing.

He stood up and—yes, that had definitely been a flinch, even though Erwin quickly got it under control and forced the tension from his arms and shoulders. Levi stepped toward him, slowly and deliberately, until his thighs were almost touching Erwin’s shoulders. Then he grabbed hold of Erwin’s chin in one hand, and slid two fingers from his other hand into Erwin’s mouth.

Irina had been the one to suggest using fingers to tease Erwin. Levi hadn’t even wanted to do that much, but then she’d started talking about “putting on a show” and making Erwin watch, and Levi had been so revolted that he capitulated right away (and then had been forced to endure her overblown pitying sighs when he’d grumbled that he didn’t understand why people had to make sex into such a big _production_ ).

Erwin took his fingers placidly, even pushing up his tongue to rub them as they entered his mouth. It – well, it wasn’t _not_ gross, since Erwin’s mouth was still unpleasantly moist and he really didn’t want to think about where it had been, but Levi had to admit that the roughness of Erwin’s tongue against the sensitive nerve endings in his fingertips was… nice. Nice enough to send heat creeping up his neck and make his dick twitch in his pants. He let out a soft sigh, and heard Erwin give a huff in response that almost _sounded like a laugh._

He glared down and mentally rescinded the _almost,_ because while Levi wasn’t sure _how_ he could tell that Erwin had a smug look on his face (or how his face could even be conveying smugness in this state), it was definitely there. The fucker was _laughing_ at him. 

Levi narrowed his eyes. If Erwin thought he’d win that easily… He let Erwin lick for a few more moments, then abruptly flipped his hand over and ran his fingers along the roof of Erwin’s mouth.

 _Gotcha,_ Levi thought gleefully, as Erwin’s entire body jerked, eyes suddenly going wide. Levi made a mental note to get Irina a nice thank-you present, and did it again. This time, Erwin let out a sharp, gasping whine, back arching, jaw working uselessly against the gag as his tongue flapped wetly against Levi’s fingers and deposited what must have been a fucking _cistern_ of drool all over them.

Horrified, Levi yanked his fingers back and wiped them viciously on Erwin’s shoulder, disgusted by the way the drool overflowed from Erwin’s mouth and started running down his chin in a slimy waterfall. Did he _have_ to drool so much? Of course he did. Fucker was probably trying to gross him out. Oh, that was _it._ He was good, Levi would give him that; he’d never met anyone who’d exploited Levi’s one weakness so effectively before. But whatever reluctant admiration he felt for Erwin was nothing compared to his outrage at having been _defiled_ by his bodily fluids. He was winning this. Even if it meant he had to ultimately stick his cock up Erwin Smith’s undoubtedly shit-filled ass, he was _winning this._ Filth was temporary. Victory was forever.

There was probably a saying like that.

He reached around the back of Erwin’s head and undid the strap holding the gag in place. “Ugh, swallow,” he ordered, when the gag dropped onto the floor, still dripping with saliva.

Obedient for once, Erwin groaned as his mouth was freed and swallowed, hard enough that Levi could see his throat work. His hair stuck up in a mess on one side, making him look like a lopsided rooster, and the red splotchiness of his face definitely helped the comparison. But the really gross part was that he had spit drying all over his chin and Levi should not be thinking that he kind of liked the look on him. The only explanation was that Erwin’s crazy stupidity was contagious.

Upon consideration, the drool was still disgusting. Levi pulled out his handkerchief.

“Levi,” Erwin began, his voice far less steady than the last time he’d spoken. “We need to dis—mmph—hey!”

“Shut up.” Levi wiped the other side of Erwin’s face, before tossing the handkerchief aside. He unbuckled his belt, and started unbuttoning his pants. 

“The Survey Corps is prepared to offer—”

“Shut _up_ ,” Levi said again, and pushed his pants down to his knees.

“—i-immunity,” Erwin stuttered, eyes wide and fixed on Levi’s bare erection. Then he snapped his gaze back to Levi’s face and managed to get out, “If you—” before Levi stopped him with his hand (the one with the drool, of course), because he’d heard the immunity line probably a thousand times.

“You don’t pay whores to talk,” Levi said quietly, and replaced his hand with his cock, pressed right up against Erwin’s lips.

Erwin went stiff, mouth hard and unyielding, and for just a moment, Levi thought, _fuck, I actually did it._ But then that steely determination from earlier settled over Erwin again. Meeting Levi’s gaze squarely, he opened his mouth and leaned in, as Levi pushed forward—

—and either they moved too fast or Erwin severely underestimated the size of Levi’s cock (for Erwin’s sake, Levi hoped it was the first one), because the head of his dick was suddenly bumping the back of Erwin’s throat and Erwin was lurching a little and gagging, which—if Levi had thought _drooling_ was gross…

Levi grabbed Erwin’s hair again and yanked him off of his cock, because sure, Levi wanted Erwin dead, but death by dick wasn’t exactly a method of assassination that he wanted to be known for. Besides, there was the matter of having to explain to Erwin’s goons, who were waiting just outside with their _crossbows,_ that their leader had just choked to death on his cock. And also, he was not going to let Erwin vomit on any part of his body. He didn’t have enough soap for that. _T_ _he king_ didn’t have enough soap for that. 

Levi watched as Erwin panted for breath, his face even redder now, and beading sweat at his hairline. His lips looked like they were starting to get a little dry, and clearly Erwin felt the same, because his tongue darted out and licked them, lingering a bit at the sides of his mouth where the gag had left a matching set of red marks. Levi frowned, and rubbed the fingers of his other hand against those marks. The gag hadn’t been in long enough to cause soreness; it was probably because Erwin was swimming in money, and the rich had skin like over-ripe fruit.

Erwin turned his head slightly, just enough to let one of Levi’s fingertips slip into his mouth. He took it between his teeth and rubbed its tongue against it, his eyes… his eyes were doing some weird thing, where they were intense, but not angry, and he kept blinking slowly up at Levi, like he was waiting for something. 

But what the fuck did he know about the thought processes of military perverts anyway? Levi pulled his hand back and gripped the base of his cock, and brought it back to Erwin’s lips. Erwin parted them willingly, even trying to suck the first few times Levi thrust in, but Levi tightened his fist on Erwin’s hair and tugged him backward until Erwin took the hint and just kept his mouth open. 

It was… _good_. Well, all blowjobs were good, but he’d never been quite this active a participant in a blowjob before. No one had ever just let Levi use them, bobbing their heads in an almost hypnotic rhythm as Levi fucked into their mouths. No one had ever _looked_ at Levi the way Erwin did, eyes heavy-lidded, pupils blown wide against the blue. Levi liked it, he liked it a _lot,_ and he was quickly realizing that this had been a grave miscalculation on his part, because he was going to come soon, and _hard,_ and _possibly before Erwin._

Worse still, he could tell that Erwin knew it too, by the way the blond bastard was working his tongue along the shaft of Levi’s cock and prodding under the head. He was also moaning, in the loud, exaggerated way that Isabel had done when she’d been showing him how to fake an orgasm, which wasn’t sexy at all, but the vibrations against his cock were more than making up for how stupid he sounded.

Fuck it, he’d be damned if he came before Erwin Smith. He hadn’t come (heh, come) this far just to lose in the last stretch. 

He braced a hand on Erwin’s shoulder and slid his socked foot between Erwin’s thighs until his toes were prodding against the bulge straining his uniform pants. “Did you bring extra pants?” he asked, in the silkiest voice he could manage (the girls had made him practice).

Erwin’s eyes flew open, and he let out a high, gasping moan that sounded considerably more sincere than whatever the fuck he was playing at earlier. Levi stroked his toes along the full length of Erwin’s erection, and felt Erwin’s hips buck gratifyingly for a moment, before he seemed to figure out what was happening and tried to squirm away. But with his legs splayed wide and Levi’s weight pressing down on his shoulder, he couldn’t move in any direction but forward, and that just pushed his cock more firmly against Levi’s foot. 

Levi could _see_ the moment Erwin realized that he was trapped, and Levi had just took that one moment to enjoy the genuine panic—and even greater arousal _,_ which was _really_ interesting—that flooded Erwin’s expression, before he pressed even harder on Erwin’s dick, yanked Erwin’s head back, and said, “ _Come.”_

And Erwin… fucking hell, Levi had never spent any amount of time contemplating what Erwin Smith would look like during an orgasm, but even if he had, he couldn’t have imagined this. Erwin _crumpled,_ chest heaving as wave after wave of shudders wracked his body, breaths coming in loud, gasping sobs. He’d never thought that a man like Erwin, who had looked calm and in control even when he was on his knees and stuffed with cock, could ever look _helpless,_ and the knowledge that he was looking like that because of _Levi,_ that Levi had just given an order and Erwin had _obeyed—_

“Fuck, _fuck,_ ” Levi ground out, head thrown back as he fisted his cock furiously, hips bucking so hard that he had to grip Erwin’s shoulder to keep his balance. He’d intended to come on the floor between them, but Erwin intentionally moved his head so that when Levi shot, most of his come landed on Erwin’s face. Which… fuck, he didn’t even know anymore, because it was disgusting and messy but it was also _unbelievably hot._

Erwin pitched forward, and Levi had his other hand up to brace him before Erwin caught himself on his hands, the ropes hanging loosely from one wrist. Levi felt a bit weak-kneed himself. He sagged against Erwin, and felt Erwin do the same, each using his weight to hold the other up.

Eventually, though, it was the reminder of how sticky and crusty their skin would be if they didn’t clean up that made Levi push himself away from Erwin and go hunting for his handkerchief, only to remember that it was already gross with Erwin’s drool. Well, fair’s fair, Levi supposed, and dug through Erwin’s pockets instead, until he found Erwin’s handkerchief in his breast pocket (wrinkled, of course. Were all military men so _uncivilized?)._ He wetted the cloth from the water jug on the table, and used one half of it to wipe himself clean, before turning back to Erwin, who was kind of smiling at him a little.

“What,” Levi demanded, as he cupped his hand around the back of Erwin’s head and tilted it back, dabbing the handkerchief against Erwin’s face. 

“Nothing,” Erwin murmured. There was a drop of Levi’s come sliding down the corner of Erwin’s mouth. Levi reached for it, but Erwin’s tongue darted out first, licking it into his mouth.

Levi wrinkled his nose. “Gross.”

Erwin burst into a fit of snickering, and it was so unexpected that Levi had to restrain himself before doing something stupid like smiling in response. At least it was over, he thought with some satisfaction, without too much horrible embarrassment to his person. He fixed his clothes while Erwin picked himself up off the floor, looking like a total wreck. Heh.

He’d be happier if Erwin didn’t _still_ look so smug, because the bastard had nothing to be smug about. Levi had been the one doing all the hard work, all _he’d_ done was roll along with it and enjoy, the fucker.

"Well," Erwin said when he'd straightened up and reassembled himself into what he obviously thought was some sort of order. "You win this round. I didn't think you'd go through with it. Still," he leered, "for all your whining, you seemed to like it."

"Bastard," Levi mumbled.

"Now that you’ve got that out of your system, shall we discuss my offer concerning joining the Survey Corps?"

Levi's head jerked back up, a flash of anger chasing away post-sex lassitude. "You can take your _offers_ and shove them."

"Where your dick just went?"

No question about it. He was going to kill Erwin Smith, bathe in his blood, and _laugh_. Well, except for the bathing in the blood part because it was filthy and disgusting. And the laughing, because it wasn't classy.

Levi thought, later, that maybe the reason Erwin had seemed so smug was because he thought that having fucked him, Levi would now start to like him. Or at least, the resulting sentimentality would be enough to make Levi hesitate when the time came to put a knife in his ribs.

It wouldn't.

Four days before the event Levi received an invitation in the mail (forwarded by virtue of post office bribery), addressed to one Simon Feingold, inviting him to a fancy gala with nobles so they could grovel and beg for funds. Levi smiled at the invitation, proof that his very quick and expensive doctoring of documentation had paid off. If it hadn't come he could have forged one, of course, but this was another layer in his false identity.

Four days, Levi thought. They sure were cutting it close with an invitation supposed to bring somebody all the way from Wall Maria – looked like they didn't much want the Survey Corps there, didn't it. Well, Simon Feingold would definitely be making an appearance.

So, he had his invitation, his uniform was ready, and the final arrangements on site would be put in place the evening before the event and on that day. Erwin was probably busy enough with preparations that he wouldn't come hounding Levi again at least until afterwards, so Levi had some time to himself.

He decided to spend the day doing various small necessary things, like scrubbing his room, doing laundry, and darning one of his socks that had sprung a hole. Several hours of this relaxed his nerves enough that he could get down to the real issue: his finances.

Basically all of the money Farlan kept for him was gone, and he'd worn out his credit with several others. He'd paid Old Lady Geller for next month, and his word was good enough that she probably wouldn't mind springing him for a bit, humiliating as the thought might be. The sock under his bed was exceptionally lean; he probably shouldn't have gone for those croissants.

Irina found him like that, sprawled in a sad facedown pile on his bed.

"You look busy," she said. "I can come back later."

"I'm mourning my money," Levi mumbled into the coverlet. "I hope Sina gets really bloodthirsty because I want to eat next week."

"There's always prostitution," Irina said. She was probably joking.

Levi pushed up on his elbows and looked at her mournfully. "Are clients usually open to a background check for potential disease, questionnaires about their personal hygiene, and mandatory supervised showering beforehand?"

"I'm sure you could find _someone_ into that," she hedged. "But I don't get it. If the Survey Corps are so unpopular and your boyfriend is so annoying, couldn't you have found some noble willing to pay you for his death?"

Levi stared at her, then let out a loud groan and flopped back facedown. "I hate you," he said. "I fucking hate you."

Was it too late to scout out an interested party?

…Probably.

Since bawling over lost opportunities would get him nowhere and if he didn't end up killing Erwin he'd have wasted all that money for nothing, Levi stuck to his schedule. Four hours before doors open found him in the bathroom, carefully cutting his hair. It had been just past his shoulders, but in order to blend in he would chop it short and shave the bottom in a style he'd seen on a lot of soldiers. Even Erwin wore his hair that way.

The result was a bit startling. Levi didn't have much sentimental attachment to his hair, but he'd been used to the way it looked. Now his face was bare, and it would take him a bit of time to get used to the breeze on the back of his neck. He parted his hair on the side and decided he liked it better.

Well, hopefully the difference was enough that he wouldn't be immediately recognizable to anybody used to seeing the usual carefully-cultivated scruffy look that he favored for street work. Levi swept up the remains of his hair and got rid of them.

In his room he changed into a black bodysuit in case he needed to escape in the dark, and then layered the military uniform over it. Into carefully-hidden pockets about his figure he slipped a few small knives and a garrote, thankful for the jacket that went over it all and would mask any lingering silhouette. Two bigger knives went into his boots – the only real good thing about the uniform, Levi thought, wiggling his toes in the sturdy knee-high boots and admiring how the knives vanished into the custom-made sheaths. He'd even gone so far as to acquire some poisoned darts, stuck up his sleeve, just in case he really needed them. Levi didn't like working with poison, though, and that shit was expensive. He'd rather butcher Erwin properly and save the poison for somebody else.

To hide the collar of his bodysuit and a memorable scar on the side of his neck, Levi tied a cravat over it all. Made him look more posh, too.

He finished the costume with a Survey Corps jacket, fitted perfectly to his size. It made his shoulders look broader, he thought. Most of his everyday clothes were meant to make him blend in with his surroundings, either dark and tight or loose and concealing. He usually dressed so people would confuse his age, his size, and hopefully find him difficult to identify. This was the uniform of someone who had nothing to hide.

Because this was ostensibly a fancy event, they weren't supposed to wear their maneuver gear, and this was just one more instance where impersonating one of the Survey Corps was good. Those guys usually wore their gear _everywhere_ , whether they were meant to or not, possibly as some kind of one-upmanship thing. Levi would bet on at least some of them wearing their gear even here, and put on his own. His straps worried him a little. Replacing it with new authentic gear would have stood out, since Survey Corps gear got a lot of wear, unlike the Military Police and Garrison. So it was better for Levi to use his old, properly worn straps, but the grease he used to keep the leather supple wasn't what the Survey Corps used, and gave the leather a slightly different shine. He'd tried polish, but the result still looked a bit off.

Nothing for it, now. Levi would have to barrel through on bravado and hope it didn't attract too much attention. He knew from experience that sometimes the smallest things could make a person stand out and screw up everything.

Levi smoothed out his shirt one last time and set his jaw, squared his shoulders, and gave himself one last piercing look in the mirror. He was ready.

Outside and Above a horse waited for him, bought specially for the occasion: a large roan gelding of the stock favored by the Survey Corps that had washed out of training and ended up on the market. It was a strong beast with a remarkably good temper, and Levi would be sad to see him go.

"Cost your weight in gold, didn't you," Levi said and stroked its nose, then fed it a piece of carrot before mounting. No chance he could keep an animal like this, if only because of the expense. And besides, what would he possibly do with it in Sina? Lower Sina was no place for horses.

He set off at a trot, and his heart nearly broke at the smoothness of pace. He was seriously going to miss this horse.

Crowds were gathering around the brightly lit headquarters of the Military Police, though nobody questioned Levi's presence, uniformed as he was. It was strange to come marching in the front door of a place he'd done his very best to avoid all his life, and he felt the familiar tension in his spine that came whenever he pulled a job undercover. Sniping from shadows was so much less stressful.

Levi made himself stride casually, as if he belonged, and held his invitation loosely. Simon Feingold had every reason to be here, and indeed, his horse led away with no problems, and the footmen ushered him into the bright building with nary a blink. Fucking Military Police, Levi thought. Of course they had a _ballroom_ in their headquarters.

There was some security, though it was laughably paltry and most of them seemed more interested in eyeing the women and wine than in potential threats. Exits would not be a problem, here, though the sheer size of the room might be. A lit gallery from which he might be able to shoot if he had to surrounded the room, though at that distance a hit wouldn't be guaranteed. Better try from inside and hope the crowds masked his getaway. Better yet would be to lure Erwin out of the room and stab him with no witnesses. As far as Levi could see nobody else was carrying weapons, and his eyes didn't pick out any concealed daggers among the perfumed and bejeweled nobility, nor among the comparatively drab and anonymous soldiers.

One realization that hit almost instantly was that his height was going to be a bit of a problem. There were short guys among the trainees, he'd seen them around, but not so many among the actual soldiers. Levi stood out.

Should have cross-dressed, he thought. Survey Corps women could be on the brawny side, and a short woman would have drawn less attention. Oh well.

He kept his eyes open, searching for Erwin, but in the meantime headed for the refreshment tables; no sense wasting food.

The problem was that apparently every single Survey Corps soldier had the _exact same idea_ , because they had flocked to the tables in droves and were eating like there was no tomorrow. Since this was the Survey Corps, for a lot of them, there probably wouldn't be one. Crap. If he ventured into the fray people would start asking questions, because they would surely recognize one of their own—or rather, pick up on the fact that Levi's cover wouldn't stand up to playing oh-I-know-your-squadmates. Maybe later he'd be able to get close.

Levi resisted the urge to scowl. He couldn't drink, either, because no way he was touching alcohol before a hit. Fucking military.

He was so busy scowling-not-scowling at the inaccessible food that he didn't notice the two noblewomen descending until they were practically upon him.

"Good evening," one of them said, "I haven't seen you around before." Her friend gave him an encouraging smile and Levi just stared at the two of them, flummoxed.

Oh wait. Fund-raising or someshit, wasn't it? He cleared his throat.

"I'm normally stationed at Wall Maria," he said. "I finished training not too long ago. My squad leader was injured in the last expedition, so they sent me instead of him."

"Oh?" the other lady said. She was fatter than her friend, but her face was more appealing – had a healthier glow to it, and her hair was attractively curly. "It sounds terrible!"

Levi forced a memory to the forefront: that one time he'd had to escape through the sewers, slogging through shit up to his knees. His face paled and he couldn't stop a convulsive swallow, and felt his back stiffen to keep back a shudder at the memory. The women cooed sympathy at his apparent trauma.

"We were lucky," he said stoically. "It could have been much worse."

"I don't know how you can keep going outside the walls!" the first one twittered.

"Humanity can't continue to live like this," Levi said, surprised to find that imbuing his voice with conviction wasn't actually very difficult. "Haven't you noticed that everything in here is covered in shit? –Er, pardon."

The women were staring at him wide-eyed and fascinated, so Levi told them how outside the walls you could see the sky go on forever, and how the wind smelled sweet and clean, and concealed the odd pang of longing his fantasies evoked in him.

From the corner of his eye he finally spotted Erwin and nearly lost the thread of his sentence, but managed to conceal the lapse with a small, sad sigh. Even better, Erwin was shooing the soldiers away from the tables and making them mingle, which meant Levi still had a chance to get food. At one point Erwin noticed him talking to the two women and gave an approving nod before walking off.

Levi strongly resisted the urge to smirk. Just enough familiarity that he didn't register to the preoccupied Erwin as an anomaly; fucking _perfect_. Now he just had to keep him in sight for another half an hour until his distraction kicked in.

For another fifteen minutes he did careful circuits of the room, and managed to charm a few more noble ladies into hopefully parting with their jewels for the sake of the Survey Corps. Honestly, he had no idea why they kept gravitating towards him, and wished they would stop. The necessity of politeness grated on his last nerve.

At least he got to eat something at long last, when a waiter came by with a plate of tiny sandwiches. Levi could have probably eaten about fifty in one go, and he could make some suggestions for improvement to the chef, too. How about putting in a bit more than that one tiny sliver of meat, huh?

And then it was time. Levi excused himself, saying he needed to report to his commander, and made a beeline for where Erwin’s blond head towered over the crowd. Might as well put a flag up there while he was at it. With the assured, purposeful stride of a soldier, Levi came up behind him and saluted.

“Sir,” he said, “You’re needed.”

“One moment-” Erwin half turned, caught sight of Levi, and did a positively impressive double take. For one second he was utterly off guard, and Levi cursed himself roundly that he hadn’t just timed it simultaneously with the distraction because he could have gotten Erwin in the chest five times with the amount of time he was taking to stare at him with widened eyes and slack mouth. “Oh, yes,” Erwin said, recovered, and the shock was replaced by a disturbingly greedy expression. “If you gentlemen will excuse me…”

Well, he might not have the advantage of utter surprise (but hey, you couldn’t build an assassination on something like that. He couldn’t have known for sure how Erwin would react to seeing him), but at least Erwin was following him away from the crowds and into one of the darkened alcoves where other people got up to dubious things. Levi chose one that was hopefully as-yet unused, because he’d had enough of disgusting floors covered with human secretions.

“Fancy seeing you here, Levi,” Erwin said, looking all too pleased at this encounter. “What a surprise.”

Levi only just managed to resist the overpowering temptation to say something like _it’s about to get more surprising_ because nothing ruined a good surprise like announcing it.

Later, Erwin would claim that it had all been part of his plan and utterly intentional, to which Levi would snort and tell him to look outside the window because pigs were flying. (Once when Levi said that, Erwin looked up in surprise and asked if the Military Police were visiting, and that was the moment Levi considered he might be in love). Either way, Levi managed to topple Erwin to the ground with hands on Erwin’s gear straps and a neat little pivot of his hips and land on top of him, then drew the two long knives from his boots in a swift move and crossed them at Erwin’s throat.

“Wait,” Erwin said, and that was when Levi made his fatal mistake. Because he should have cut, he knew better than to gloat and posture, the clock was ticking and the only thing standing between him and freedom was the yet-unbroken skin of Erwin’s neck.

But something about the tone of his voice – urgent but not desperate, made him hesitate just a tiny bit. Something about the way Erwin was tense, the cords in his neck stiff and his hands clenched at his sides, the pulse beating in his throat – but not panicking, made Levi feel like he was in control, like he could allow it. Had Erwin been more assured, Levi would have cut just to prove that he could, but having Erwin at his mercy, and Erwin _knowing_ it—

Levi hesitated. The knives rested at Erwin’s throat, angled so with the slightest touch Levi could slice, and though Erwin’s hands were free he wasn’t fast enough to stop Levi from that downward push. But Erwin made no sign of trying to dislodge him from where he was seated on Erwin’s chest, leaning forward so if he lost his balance the pressure would go straight to the knives. Seeing he was alive, Erwin pounced on the opportunity and spoke.

“I can offer you better prey,” he said, and there was Levi’s second mistake: He replied.

“Titans?” he sneered. “What makes you think I want to risk my life fighting monsters?”

“Because you do it anyway,” Erwin replied, his eyes practically glowing with intensity, as if he’d forgotten he was lying on the ground with Levi’s knives at his neck. “You take a positively visceral glee in destroying things larger than yourself. Titans are huge, bigger than anything you’ve ever seen before, and they’re so very stupid. Do you realize that these are the things that are keeping us caged in here? Huge, lumbering monsters with mindless grins on their faces who just pick us up and eat us for no reason? Can you imagine them falling to your blades? You’ll cut through them like grass.”

Levi shifted a bit, the words churning his gut. He’d never really thought about titans before as more than an abstract threat, but now he was vaguely curious. Was it true? Were their captors so disgustingly stupid?

“I’m offering you the best prey this world has,” Erwin said. “You’ll kill titans. You’ll escape the Military Police, the nobles, everyone who ever wanted you dead. You’ll be untouchable. And some day,” Erwin’s voice lowered to a rumble that made Levi’s stomach knot with the thickness of promise it held, “we’ll take down everything.”

Fascinated by the implication Levi found himself leaning forward to search Erwin’s features. “Everything?” he repeated, entranced.

Erwin moved then, to wave his hand in a dangerous, expansive movement that encompassed the hall, the Military Police compound, Sina… “ _Everything_ ,” he said, laying it like a gift in front of Levi.

Oh. Levi swallowed thickly at the heft of the promise, but was simultaneously relieved by its normalcy. This made sense: Erwin was planning something crazy, and he wanted Levi as part of his power base. The only thing he didn’t understand was— “Why me?”

Erwin’s eyes locked with Levi’s, bright with focus. “I want you in command of my soldiers.”

“You’re insane.”

“I’ve been watching you,” he replied, and that made Levi’s stomach tighten again. “You’ll be amazing at it. You already are. When I tried interrogating your people none of them would say—“

“Interrogating?” Levi snarled, goodwill gone in a flash, his knuckles white against the knives. _Irina hadn’t told him none of them had said anything-_ “What did you do to them?”

“Just asked some questions, which they wouldn’t answer.”

“They’re not involved in this! They’re not my people!”

“Aren’t they?” Erwin asked softly.

“They’re just…“ Friends? Comrades? They weren’t his gang. Levi didn’t run with gangs.

“If you hold this much loyalty without even trying,” Erwin murmured, “I can’t wait to see what you’ll do in command.”

“But,” Levi said, mind spinning too fast to understand what was going on. “I’m an assassin from the underworld. You’re crazy. You want to put me in charge of your soldiers?” Those soft kids he’d seen, stuffed with ideals and tossing away their lives – putting _Levi_ in with them? It was the stupidest thing he’d ever heard.

“When I’m at the head of the Corps,” Erwin said. “I don’t want a bully leading my men. You had me on my knees at your feet. You had every opportunity to be an asshole about it, but you took care of me. You didn’t even try to hurt me. You need control, you want power, but not at the expense of those who rely on you. That’s the kind of man I want following me. Your skill with the maneuver gear is unparalleled. That’s the kind of man who will make a future for humanity.”

Levi didn’t even notice that he’d sat back on Erwin’s stomach, that his grip had gone soft on his blades. He was vulnerable down to his core, couldn’t have been more exposed if Erwin had opened him with a knife, throat to groin. “That’s not me,” he said, because he saw himself in the mirror every day. He wasn’t the man Erwin described. And yet… he remembered his reflection today, sharp and neat and military, with nothing to hide. Remembered talking about the world outside the walls, the imagined clouds and sky and horizon going on forever.

“I’ll let you fly,” Erwin said, soft as a gust of wind.

“You’re lying,” Levi said desperately. How had Erwin gotten under his skin so completely? This was what happened when you didn’t finish marks off first chance you got.

Erwin’s expression morphed to a kind of disappointment that made any further protests die on Levi’s tongue. Nothing Erwin had said sounded like a man pleading for his life, or like the empty bait the Military Police liked to toss every so often. Something akin to panic beat with the pulse in his throat because he was trapped, hemmed in on every side and torn open to show his guts. _Cut and run_ , he thought, staring at the edge of the knives that were still close to Erwin’s throat. Cut and run and be safe.

“Follow me,” Erwin said, face open and honest and inviting. “Why are you afraid of getting what you want?”

 _Want_ , Levi thought. He didn’t want much. He wanted to not live in shit, to be surrounded by people he could tolerate, to be free, to have a tomorrow.

But he _needed_ to feel the earth solidly under his feet before he could leap into the air.

“You forgot something,” he said roughly, feeling a twinge of satisfaction, grounded by the hint of surprise on Erwin’s face. “What if another thing I want is to fuck the future commander of the Survey Corps over his fancy-ass desk?” They did have fancy desks, didn’t they?

The red that suddenly burned in Erwin’s cheeks was highly visible, thanks to his fair coloring. Levi wasn’t quite ready to consider exploiting it on a regular basis, but maybe someday, he thought. Erwin swallowed and forced the tension from his shoulders, tilted his head back just a bit. His voice was steady when he spoke.

“That can be arranged.”

Levi jerked the knives away from his throat and slammed his hands down on either side of Erwin’s head, leaning down so their faces were centimeters apart in a move so sudden Erwin couldn’t help a tiny flinch.

“Why?” he demanded, because everything else made sense, everything up to the part where Erwin wanted him so badly he was willing to throw _himself_ into the bargain.

For the first time since Levi had pinned him, a small smile tugged at the corners of Erwin’s mouth, secretive and so annoying Levi considered punching it off of him.

“That’s for you to figure out,” Erwin said.

Levi swore under his breath and stared into Erwin’s eyes another moment, so transparent they should have led right down to his soul, but he saw nothing there. Why would Erwin want Levi, a thug from Sina, to dominate him? Was he just a pervert after all? Was the answer as simple as just like it felt good for Levi, it felt good for Erwin? But…

“I don’t care,” he said, and no, he was definitely not petulant. It also didn’t look like he was going to be killing Erwin, stupid as it was.

“I can wait.” There was something just a bit wistful in Erwin’s tone, but Levi wasn’t willing to dwell on it right now. He sat back on Erwin’s stomach again, knives at rest, and made a sound of disgust.

“You know how fucking expensive this was to set up?” he complained. “Money down the drain. Might as well have blown it on gold-plating my shit.”

With the threat of imminent death gone Erwin apparently thought that now he could laugh at Levi. “I’m flattered you invested so much in me.”

Levi clicked his tongue and slipped the knives back into his boots, then started to get to his feet, only to be stopped by Erwin’s hands on the back of his knees. “Where are you going?”

“To disarm the bombs.”

Erwin jerked upright so fast somebody with worse reflexes than Levi would have fallen. As it was he was forced to do a kind of awkward skip backwards. “What bombs?”

“I wasn’t going to just stab you and walk off,” Levi said, miffed. “I set up a distraction. The bombs get the horses running amuck, panic and pandemonium, and I slip away.” He pushed to his feet and fastidiously dusted off the front of his boots, whose polish was smudged.

“And you got all that past Nile?” Erwin asked, looking entertained where he should have looked impressed, or intimidated, or possibly awed by Levi’s planning skills.

“Of course,” Levi sniffed. “Now—" He turned to go but for some reason Erwin had grabbed his wrist. This was getting to be a thing with him.

“I think Nile should have to deal with his own security breaches,” Erwin said, and Levi stared at him. It dawned on him, in that moment, that the man before him was _utterly insane_. “Nile makes such a big deal of his highly trained security—“

Levi snorted.

“Exactly,” Erwin said, beaming, as if somehow Levi had gotten in on the joke. “Where did you put those bombs, exactly?”

“At the entrances to the grounds, to break open the gates,” Levi said, curious in spite of himself as to what this crazy man was even thinking. “And at the back, by that little shed— “ He stopped, because Erwin had just blanched white as his uniform pants.

“The Military Police got in a shipment of gunpowder today,” Erwin said, strangled. “They’re storing it in that shed.”

Their eyes met in mutual horror, and then, perfectly synchronized, they turned and ran.

“It was supposed to be a distraction!” Levi yelped above the pounding of their footsteps. “I didn’t mean to hurt the horses!” And the cabbies, who might be in the area—they didn’t deserve to die—collateral damage was a sign of incompetence–

“Three kegs!” Erwin gasped back. “It’ll blow up half the training grounds! How long do we have?”

“Not long enough! I wasn’t expecting this to turn into a long discussion about your _feelings_ —"

“—you mean _your_ feelings— “

And then the entrance to the main hall was upon them and _wait what about a plan_?

He knew there was _something_ because Erwin caught his eye and gave a pointed head tilt towards Nile before directing his attention away and pretending to not notice Levi at all.

How helpful. Well, he knew what _his_ plan would be if he were working alone, and the past few minutes had given him ample reason to rethink his original assessment of Erwin (“massive idiot”) which made him tentatively assume that Erwin had something in mind. But how did they go about meshing those two plans?

Since it was Erwin’s home turf he decided to hang back, letting Erwin pull ahead with long strides. They’d both abandoned the mad dash in favor of a self-important quick march, though Erwin had slowed almost to a stroll and was now meandering up to Nile (Levi stifled a surge of dislike) and seemed busy doing the meet-and-greet as if they weren’t on a schedule.

He had no idea what Erwin was aiming for, didn’t want to fuck it up, but—but Erwin had nodded which meant he should have taken Levi into account. That’s what Levi would have done, and pulling a tag-team con was so much easier than doing it alone which meant—

Fuck, this had better be what Erwin wanted him to do. Fuck Erwin anyway.

Levi wiped his face clean of annoyance and replaced it with urgency, then rushed up to the two men, skidded to a stop and saluted.

“Sir! You were right. We’ve located the explosives on the training ground.”

“Good job,” Erwin said.

“ _What?_ ” Nile squawked.

“Can you neutralize them?” Erwin asked.

“I have men working on it, but permission to evacuate the grounds just in case?”

“WHAT?” Nile shouted.

“Mike, James, get your men and follow him.” Erwin then turned to Nile. “We uncovered news of an attempted revolutionary attack on the Military Police headquarters tonight, but were unable to confirm its validity until now.”

Levi headed off with what looked like half the Survey Corps soldiers in tow, most of whom looked utterly confused but were following orders anyway. None of the lip he’d have gotten if he’d tried to pull a maneuver like this with Farlan.

Nile was shouting something angry and stupid, and Levi just had time to hear Erwin cut him off with a sweet suggestion that Nile secure the premises against a followup attack while the Survey Corps evacuated the training grounds, and of course somebody needed to ensure the nobles didn’t panic—

Beautiful, is what it was.

Then Erwin’s big blond goon pulled up next to Levi (easily, because his legs were about twice as long as Levi’s) and gave him a look that was flatter than the marble ballroom floor. He opened his mouth to say something, and Levi forestalled him with a glare and mouthed _don’t you dare fuck this up_. Unless Goon was exceptionally good at lip reading probably not a word came through, but apparently he got the gist because he just sighed and shook his head.

“What’s going on? Who the hell is that?” somebody asked from behind, and Levi was ready with his cover story, but Goon got the jump on him.

“Levi,” he said shortly. “Now isn’t the time. Get the horses away from—“

“—shed at the back of the training grounds,” Levi completed, and that was it. They all listened.

He could get used to this.

As it turned out, the Survey Corps didn’t have any magic technique for swift and careful evacuation. They just alerted the cabbies and got them all moving, interspersing themselves with the horses to prevent the people in the back from rushing forward and creating a bottleneck at the gates.

Levi slipped forward and managed to pull apart the bombs that were supposed to blast the doors open, and then joined in with urging the nervous horses along. Poor creatures could sense something was up and kept balking. Some of the other idiots kept yelling at the horses, which was not helping in the least. How could you yell at such beautiful horses, anyway?

If he ever had money to spare (ha), he was going to buy horses. Lots of them. Herds of them.

Erwin found him like that, ostensibly leading a gorgeous roan mare back into line but really just petting her nose… and withers… and murmuring at her…

“Did you take care of the bombs?”

Levi scoffed. “ _You_ are welcome to have a tea party with three kegs of gunpowder. I’m staying right here.”

Erwin looked over the field, which was already impressively empty of horses and carriages, his height making it possible for him to get a good view over the sea of horseflesh.

“It’s been ten minutes,” he said hopefully. “Maybe it won’t blow.”

“If I say it’ll blow, it will fucking _blow_ ,” Levi said, completely offended.

“Yes, but,” Erwin began placatingly, and then the rest of his sentence was swallowed up by a massive explosion that tore through the training grounds, blasted out most of the windows, and ripped into several buildings.

Levi leaped up onto the nearest horse’s back, figuring that it would be better to weather the stampede on top as opposed to below. Erwin, a few horses over, clearly had the same idea.

Well, at least the distraction thing would have worked perfectly, he thought, as he watched the horses flee madly in all directions.

For all the glorious pandemonium, nobody died, which was some comfort to Levi. Nile, of course, never found any other of the supposed revolutionaries, and the Survey Corps were hailed as the heroes of the night, leading to grateful nobles heaping praise and the contents of their pockets on Erwin, much to his delight.

After about ten minutes Levi found that he had to just _not look at_ Erwin because the sheer levels of smugness threatened to overflow the walls. They’d probably be feeling the backwash of it all the way out at Wall Maria.

Now that the immediate threat of being blown sky-high was gone, Levi didn’t really have to stick around, did he? All the drama and cleanup and counter-accusations weren’t his problem. He wasn’t a soldier. He didn’t have to deal with this shit.

However, when he wanted to slip away he encountered two difficulties. The first being that apparently every soldier in the Survey Corps had been told to keep an eye on him. The second, and more serious, was that the nobles had all gotten into their heads that Levi was the hero of the day and lined up to tell him what a gift to society he was.

“I’ve heard all about your quick thinking, young man,” Baron Heller, whose half-brother Levi had assassinated three months ago, said. “That was a job well done.”

“Thank you,” said Levi, since Erwin was at his side and _would_ elbow him if he wasn’t pleased with the response. He was already black and blue from previous lapses in etiquette.

“I’m sure we’ll be seeing great things from you,” Baron Heller continued. “How many titans have you killed?”

“Three solo kills on two missions,” Erwin butted in. The noble’s eyebrows went way up, and they went a few more rounds of praise.

“Are you _insane_?” Levi hissed at Erwin when he’d stepped out of earshot. “I haven’t killed a single titan!”

“You should get on that, then.” Erwin’s eyes glittered. “Live up to your legend.”

“If you would stop fucking _manufacturing one_ —“

“Ah, you’re the brave soldier who saved us!” chirped a young woman, so Levi put on his game face and retold the story (with unnecessary embellishments by Erwin) of how he’d rescued them from nonexistent insurgents.

Erwin, by now, had turned the whole thing into a ridiculous fantasy, and Levi’s only comfort was that by now he was so mired in the story he’d never be able to turn around and claim that Levi had pulled the wool over his eyes on this one. At one point, at a lull between ass-kissers, Levi caught Erwin looking at him with a disturbingly fond look and wondered if Erwin wasn’t doing it on purpose. Levi’s assassination attempt was being so thoroughly swept under the carpet, and Erwin was so instrumental to it that it had to be intentional.

At long last they were headed out, and though Levi considered trying to escape, he decided it would be better to sneak out of whatever barracks he’d end up at. Getting away from one or two guards was a lot easier than the entire corps. Erwin no longer tailed him, having gone to take care of whatever business army bigwigs took care of, and Levi firmly quashed the part of him that was curious.

So he followed to where the visiting Survey Corps soldiers were being quartered, a barracks building that was, if not actually clean, at least _on_ the cleanliness scale. Goon beckoned Levi to follow him. Since Erwin was nowhere in sight, Levi shrugged and complied.

The room they arrived at was long and filled with bunks, and shared by Goon’s squad and two others (or what Levi assumed was Goon’s squad and two others). The bed Goon pointed him at was situated squarely in the middle of the room, furthest from both the door and windows. The obviousness of it was almost insulting.

Everybody else was changing out of their uniforms with a complete disregard for decency, and that left Levi in a bit of a pinch. Since he was carrying the contents of an entire armory under his clothes, getting undressed wasn’t the best of options. He sat down on his designated bed as-is, suppressing the internal cringe at putting his dirty clothes all over it. The boots didn’t even bear thinking about.

“We weren’t born yesterday,” Goon said, gesturing at Levi’s clothes. “Get changed.”

“I don’t have anything to change into,” Levi replied.

“Corey, lend him something,” Goon ordered, not taking his eyes from Levi’s.

“I’m not touching anything that’s been on your filthy body.” Levi turned up his nose at the offered shirt, making the young and innocent Corey shrink back in dismay.

“I shower,” she said in a small voice. She reminded Levi a bit of _his_ girls and he felt a flash of completely irrational guilt.

“I’m sure you do,” he said gruffly. Corey looked between him and Goon and then slinked off, taking the shirt with her.

“You’re not sleeping in the gear,” Goon said. He looked about ready to pull it off of Levi if necessary, and seriously, what _was_ it with big blond soldiers? But since it was that or bust, Levi sniffed and worked himself out of his gear. He had to take off the jacket carefully to keep the blades in it concealed (though anybody with half an eye would notice the suspicious stiffness of it), and regretted that he didn’t have an excuse to put it back on.

He folded the gear in a neat pile on top of the empty trunk at the foot of his bed. Then, avoiding the curious eyes of the rest of the soldiers as much as humanly possible, Levi lay down and turned his back to them all.

“Uh, who are you?” a voice came from somewhere behind him. He could have ignored it, should have, but—

“I’m the best damn titan killer in the Corps,” he said. “Just ask Erwin.”

“I’ve never seen you before.”

“I’m too fast for the eye to track,” Levi growled. “Now let me get some fucking shut-eye. Don’t you have to polish your boots or something?”

He spent the next four or five hours breathing slowly and evenly, which was a lot more boring and stressful than people gave it credit for. A few times Goon came over to check if he was really sleeping, but Levi had the fake-sleeping down to an art. He could fake-sleep his way through a fucking stampede. Heh. Stampede. He resisted the urge to smirk at the memory.

Finally, though, the barracks quieted down and everybody settled into sleep. Levi rolled to his feet, quiet as a cat, slipped into his jacket and gathered his gear in one hand and boots in the other, and padded on socked feet towards the window.

So much for inaccessibility: his roommates didn’t so much as stir, and the wall outside was outfitted with all manner of convenient rocky outcroppings just waiting for him to skip his way down them. He knotted the gear straps around his shoulders – no time to put them on properly now – and climbed down.

Dropping to the ground at the bottom he paused and looked up at the façade of windows, noting that a few still had lights glowing faintly out of them despite the hour. Was Erwin still awake? Did he indeed have a large desk, and would he be interested in—

Levi shook his head to clear away the thoughts. That’s what happened when you had overly-involved sex. You thought about it way too much.

Still. It wasn’t just that. Now, away from Erwin’s intense gaze he felt kind of silly for being taken in so thoroughly, but at the time he’d… he’d felt something. He’d never had that kind of thing with anybody else, that feeling of being able to throw himself onto them and trust that they wouldn’t fall. Hell, that tag-team they’d pulled had been pretty good, too, synergic in a way that even his cons with Farlan weren’t. They’d gone in blind and pulled it off.

…And that was why he was _still_ standing in the courtyard under the windows instead of getting himself off home like he should be. He should leave, he thought, and wondered suddenly if he had to. Couldn’t abandon the girls, he had a life, he had stuff going on—

Levi swallowed and tried, for a brief moment, to imagine this game being reality. Steady cash, steady food, giving himself to a cause with a meaning. Working with somebody who could rely on him to do his part and who factored that into their plans, seamless cooperation. Imagined what the world outside the walls must look like, and wondered if it was anything like his fantasies.

He was so busy mooning about it that he didn’t notice the faint footstep behind him until it was too late.

“The bathroom is that way,” Erwin said helpfully.

Only just managing to keep himself from jumping like a startled mouse, Levi turned to him. “Erwin,” he said, with no clear idea where he was going with it.

Erwin stepped forward so that he was fully in the moonlight, features sharply illuminated. Color was washed out in the dark, but Levi’s memory superimposed upon his image a vision of Erwin warm and flushed–

“I admit, I thought I had done a better job winning you over,” Erwin said softly, disappointment clear in his tone. It made Levi want to squirm with discomfort.

“I didn’t kill you, did I?” he replied, avoiding Erwin’s gaze.

“You didn’t,” Erwin agreed, and took another careful step forward. “But I want more. I offered you everything I can think of, Levi.”

Levi swallowed. What if he agreed?

Well, there was always the chance of getting eaten—but if you were meant to die, you could die anywhere. He wondered if he could kill titans, if he could kill as many as Erwin thought he could. He thought of staying by Erwin’s side, of how blatantly Erwin _wanted_ him.

“I need to tell them where I’ve gone,” Levi said. “They’d think I was captured or something. My reputation would be hell. You already ruined it, at least let me salvage _something_. And my stuff, it’s still at the room. I gotta bring it.”

Erwin’s gaze had turned searching, but he hadn’t flipped his shit or dragged Levi off yet, so he continued. “You said I get a pardon, right? You’re not going to turn around tomorrow and put me on trial or someshit.”

He got a slow nod in reply. “Full pardon for anybody I manage to recruit.” Erwin smirked. “Not that they expected me to convince someone like you. The Military Police will give me an earful.”

Levi nodded. “Let me get my stuff. I’ll be back by morning.”

Erwin refrained from asking something as obvious as “really?”, but his face was definitely looking it. And well, maybe Levi could kind of see his perspective here, because if it was him, he probably wouldn’t trust himself to come back.

Only then Erwin managed to one-up him again, because he stepped close enough to crowd and slid two fingers under Levi’s chin to tilt it up and murmured, “I’ll be waiting”. The kiss he coaxed Levi into was seductive, the size of him just a bit overpowering. It was _almost_ enough, because Levi liked kissing, but hell if he’d put up with this. He batted Erwin’s hand away, took a solid hold of his hair, and kissed the way _he_ wanted to, all tongue and lips and energy, until Erwin subsided with a small sound and let Levi do whatever he wanted.

They pulled apart after a few heated minutes and Levi was all prepared to preen at how he practically had Erwin on his _knees_ by the time they were done when he caught sight of Erwin’s face. His eyes were crinkled in humor and the corners of his mouth radiated smugness and he was clearly extremely satisfied at manipulation well-done.

Levi was going to have to do something about that. But not now, now he had to get going if he was going to get back by the ever-nearing morning. He mustered his arguments and took a breath.

“Okay,” Erwin said. “Roll call is at 7:00.”

“Fuck you,” Levi replied, peeved. Just for that he was going to be five minutes late. Let Erwin chew on that. “Fine. Can I go now?”

Levi’s resolve to get his stuff and get back to Erwin lasted until he found the square in front of Old Lady Geller’s house positively teeming with people. There were torches and weapons and general preparations for a jolly good mob, all the way down to somebody standing on a wooden crate and shouting slogans.

“We won’t let them treat us like this! He’s one of our own!”

The crowd roared agreement.

“If they come for us, let’s see them getting all of us!”

Levi wasn’t the type to get vocal, but he nodded. Seemed fairly logical.

“Down with the MP!”

Definitely something he could get behind.

“What the fuck is going on?” he asked some vaguely-familiar guy.

The guy looked at him, made startled sounds, and next thing he knew everybody was looking at Levi. People waved their hands and yelled questions, and then they were trying to herd him towards Old Lady Geller’s building. He’d have put up a fuss, but Farlan was on the steps there, and seemed rather shocked to see him.

“It’s Levi!” the crowd started saying. “He’s back!”

Oh fuck. Clearly everyone knew that he’d tried to kill Erwin, and failed, and had gathered here to have a good laugh and probably throw trash at him.

“We heard you got in trouble with the Survey Corps!” Farlan said. “Their people have been questioning us all week. We’re going to show them what-for, and free you probably, but I guess you don’t need that part.”

“Oh,” said Levi. He looked around at them, the torches and pickaxes and anger that apparently they’d rustled up for _him_. _Your people_ , Erwin had said.

“I’m not in trouble,” Levi said. “I got offered a pardon if I join them.” Hushed silence gave him ample stage to deeply regret the statement. If only they all knew how stupid his week had been, they’d understand.

Instead, they were all just looking at him like he’d gone crazy.

“Oh my _god_ ,” Isabel squeaked out of somewhere. “You said yes!”

“I did not,” he lied unconvincingly.

“You’re wearing their uniform!”

“These boots are incredibly comfortable,” Levi said.

“What the fuck, Levi!” Farlan demanded over the murmuring crowd. “You can’t just _join_ the Survey Corps!”

“I can do whatever the fuck I want!”

“You admitted it!” Farlan howled.

Levi opened his mouth, then closed it, and crossed his arms. Fuck Farlan for trapping him. Fuck him for falling for it.

“You think you’re so hot with maneuver gear that they want you?” Farlan demanded. “I’m just as good as you are!”

“You absolutely are not,” Levi replied. “What’s your point?”

“Oh, so you think they wouldn’t want me!”

“I don’t think they care,” Levi snapped. “They said anybody from Lower Sina could come. I’m sick of this shithole, I’m going to kill some titans.” He sounded like a petulant fool and wished he’d never come back.

At least the crowd had begun to disperse, though too many people hung around still listening.

“Well fine then!” Farlan threw up his hands. “I’ll show you! I’m coming too!”

“You… what.” Things had taken a turn for the very strange.

Out of the doorway behind them Irina, Annabeth, Isabel, and Daisy suddenly appeared, carrying satchels.

“We’re ready,” Irina announced.

“For what?”

She didn’t deign to answer, just laughed at him. Nonplussed, Levi looked around at them all, with no idea what was even happening.

“Why are you doing this?” he demanded.

“Why are _you_?” Irina challenged.

Luckily, in the torchlight nobody could see how red Levi turned at the question. “I have… reasons,” he said. Reasons he couldn’t share, since fucking Erwin was the reason and he hated sharing his things. Though also something about freedom and titans.

“Good enough for me!” Isabel chirped. “Let’s see what it’s like!”

“This is a terrible idea, and I’m not encouraging this at all,” he informed them.

Under the lightening sky, a small troop of riff-raff, cutthroats, thugs, prostitutes, smugglers, and thieves exited Lower Sina and marched for the Survey Corps barracks. They timed their arrival for five after 7:00, and found the Survey Corps lined up smartly in the yard in front of the building.

All of them turned, with varying expressions of shock and concern, when Levi stormed in with his crowd. Levi ignored all of them, eyes going straight to Erwin, who masked surprise, but not quick enough for Levi.

“Can I help you all?” Erwin asked, motioning his soldiers to leave their weapons. They looked very reluctant to do so.

“You said recruits get pardons,” Levi announced. “Us murderers and thieves want some.”

Everybody in the Survey Corps was already clearly regretting this, and their eyes zoomed to Erwin in a thousand beams of reproach. Erwin ignored all of them, and smiled.

“Of course,” he said. “Right this way.”

The other soldiers broke ranks. The brave among them began to chivvy Levi’s people into lines, and the rest rubbernecked like cowards. Levi would have gone to the head of the line, but Erwin pulled him aside.

“What’s wrong?” Levi growled. “After all that, you don’t want me recruited?”

“Oh,” Erwin’s eyes glinted in a way that Levi was beginning to associate with trouble. “I did a bit of digging. Apparently you got into the gala by invitation, didn’t you? That means you’re already registered at the offices.”

Levi stared. “Those papers are _fake_.”

“Can you prove it?”

“They are!”

“I assume you didn’t bother going for mediocre forgeries.”

“Of course I didn’t,” Levi said, indignant, but his heart was already sinking. “But that’s not me! They say fucking Simon Feingold!”

“Can you prove that’s not your name?”

“Oh, hell,” Levi breathed, the urge to plant his fist in Erwin’s face rising, because he could just _see_ the humor lurking beneath that stolid façade. “Give me two fucking days and I’ll get you whatever proof you want—“

“You were very thorough,” Erwin said, clearly enjoying himself. “There’s records of your training days, too. Even your grades, which are rather more modest than I would have expected.”

“It would be stupid to fake high grades,” Levi muttered. “Everybody remembers those people.”

“True,” Erwin agreed. “Altogether, an admirable job. Congratulations on your quite decent military career of three and a half years, Simon Feingold.”

“I’m getting that name changed,” Levi said.

“I will never let you.” Erwin grabbed his arm and started hauling him along by the elbow. “Come along, _Simon_ , we’ve got a lot to do today.”

To Erwin’s obvious disappointment, Goon had already told everybody his name was Levi, so Simon didn’t stick.

To Erwin’s even greater disappointment, nobody believed that Levi had ever been a prostitute in Sina.


End file.
